#69 Entering the Radiance of a Ten Year

The final episode of Nonsense in the Chaos for Season Two is a pause at the threshold. As Yule tide gathers us inward, this week’s episode explores the numerology of the coming year: a universal ten, the number of the radiant body, the moment in the alchemical process when lead is turned into gold.

This is a conversation about community, about scale, and about agency. When the bigger picture feels overwhelming, there is still the work to do on our own pixel, making it as bright, clear and generous as it can be. That, in itself, is a powerful action.

I’ll be stepping away after this episode for a digital detox and some much-needed Creation Hibernation time, returning in March. Until then, this feels like a hand on the shoulder and a steadying breath. We’ve got this. And next year asks us to step up. Not alone, but together.

And can we just take a moment to enjoy the fact that I’m ending the season on the number 69. 

No, I will not grow up. 

See you back here in March 2026. Happy Yule Tide and New Year!

The music and artwork is by @moxmoxmoxiemox

Nonsense in the Chaos is available on all podcast platforms or you can listen to it here… https://nonsenseinthechaos.buzzsprout.com

I'd love to know what you think! If you want to get in touch with me about anything on the podcast then email nonsenseinthechaos@gmail.com or you can follow me on Instagram and Bluesky @kriyaarts or at the Nonsense in the Chaos Page on Facebook.

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Thank you for all your support -x-

Transcript

0:29

The. Welcome to The Nonsense in the Chaos. I'm your host Jolie Rose. So I am born on the 31st of December. So I'm a Capricorn, and as of today, the 21st of December, it's now Capricorn season and it's Yuel and the winter solstice. So today is the shortest day of the year. Tonight is the longest night, and then tomorrow the light begins to return again. And what a year it has been. Even though my birthday's on New Year's Eve and I love having a birthday on year's Eve, I'll talk more about that in a moment. I still feel like this is kind of the end of the year and you have Yu and then the 12 days of Christmas and it's interesting. I know, I mean I've, I think probably most people have really struggled with Christmas this year because no one's got any money and it's just. The consumerism and the, I think the charade that we are being forced to go through is becoming untenable and what's the word? Unappetizing? No unpalatable, that's the word. And I think it's really good to come back to what Christmas or what yu all is actually about, which is the returning of the light. Now that is. Absolutely something worth celebrating. I mean, how wonderful that was what this time of year was all about. It's what all of the megalith. Stone structures were built to capture is the solar return and departure of the summer solstice and the winter solstice. So magical teachings. The summer solstice is the celebration of nature'cause nature's at her height and the winter solstice is the celebration of community because this is the point in the year where we've gathered in our harvest, we are aware of what we. Do and do not have in terms of sustaining us through the winter months food wise. And so this is the time to come together with your friends and your family and your community and share, look after each other. Celebrate together in warm places around one fire so you're not, wasting wood. It's. Time to get fat and put on lots of weight for the winter months to see you through and to then go in and to hibernate and to slow down. And for years and years and years and years and years, I tried to just live life like a normal every, you know, like it was summer. So my year was very consistently the same. I would just go about my life and I didn't pay any attention to the fact it was winter and that my body was. Screaming at me to slow down. And I've mentioned this before, but I was at drama school in 2006 and 2007, and it was in Brighton. It was called the Academy of Creative Training, and it was down by the sea front. And for two years in a row, I found myself gripping the railings wailing with tears out to sea in January and. I clocked that it like the second year that it happened, I kinda was like, oh, I've been here before. Oh, it's the same time of year. Oh, hang on a minute. And that was the first time that I noticed that I got seasonal affective disorder. So that was 2006, 2007. And from then onwards started to explore ways of helping. Get it less bad. So, um, started taking vitamin D. So I always start taking vitamin D in September and I'll take it through till March, April when the sun's back. So I'll take vitamin D and I got a blood test the other day. I had my MOT blood tests to check how I'm doing. And it turns out that I'm doing absolutely fine, which is great. It's like, I dunno what you're doing, but your liver is. Absolutely ticky. Boom. I was like, brilliant. Cholesterol's good. The only thing I had was a thyroid issue in my brain, so I was producing the right amount of the hormone, but the actual, the actual thyroid was like stressed. It was overworking, so it was producing an all right amount of the hormone, but doing it in a stressful way. So I've been given some thyroid medication to ease the stress on it, and he said that he thinks that that will have a big impact on what might seem like perimenopausal. Symptoms, which is interesting. So I'll let you know how that goes, uh, because it's gonna be eight weeks of taking it. And then, then we'll see. Um, so when I come back from creation hibernation, I'll know more about whether that's done much. I mean, I don't have that many symptoms, it's just that I, every now and then go completely mad. However, I definitely notice that that's linked to ashwagandha as well, and, and not taking it, um, as I said before. And also, just, going through a big thing like Glastonbury Festival or walking a pilgrimage, you know, where I'm, I'm putting my body under stress and and haven't taken away. Supplements that I feel help me, like iron as well. Iron definitely helps me as well. I take, um, beef organ supplements that seem to help. Now I'm not, um, a medical professional and so none of this is advice to you. It's just things that I've observed in myself. But the other thing that really made a significant difference for my seasonal affective disorder was. Honoring the creation hibernation process and honoring winter. And then I stopped hat winter and now I love winter. And especially now, this is the moment. So today we got up early at seven in the morning and I went to Crew Harbor, which is our lovely old harbor and went swimming with a group of friends who got up with me, which was really kind of them. And we did it for the solstice and for my birthday because I'm leaving tomorrow morning. To fly back to England and I'll be spending Christmas with my family in London, which is gonna be a bit of a culture shock. And then visiting Essex to stay with my mum for a bit, and then Brighton for New Year's Eve. And I'm going to a rave, which I'm really excited about. So Yu is the day that is the shortest, and then the next day the sun returns. And that was a really big deal to our prehistoric ancestors who it wasn't just a given that the sun was gonna come back. Like to us that might seem quite silly, but they actively, you know, asked and I guess some years, you know, the weather would be bad. The winters would be harsh. And so you are like, please, son, please come back. Please start warming the planet up again. Please, like get us through this winter. And so it was so much more a big deal and I experience it so much more now being in SARC because we don't have street lights and we don't have indoor shopping malls. You know, everything's outside, everything's subject to the elements and. From my, my daily practice of going to work is to put on my waterproofs and get my head torch on and, you know, leave the house in howling Gales with rain and then cycle along a mud track and get mud flung all up my back. And then like. But there's something so wonderful about opening the door and entering into the pub and it just being hot with the heating on and, um, loads of talking and people there and just this feeling of community. So y all is about community, tonight I'm gonna be going I put a Facebook event up that was for the whole island. It was everyone's invited. And we are all meeting at the monument at 4:00 PM to watch the sunset. And then we're gonna go to my friend's house and I've said, bring instruments and we're gonna have a jam and we're gonna and a potluck meal. So everyone's bringing a dish and I've got no idea how many people are gonna come, but just put it out there to say that everyone's invited because it's community and I don't want anyone to feel left out. So all are welcome and we're gonna go and celebrate. Being this amazing community, which brings me onto kind of what has been happening, which I have been observing through making arrangements for New Year in England, was that, uh, none of my friends want to come out and rave with me, which, you know, fine. Fair enough. I'm 47, like there's an element of like grow up and I don't have children and so obviously my friends who've got children. That's what you're doing. But that's the thing that I've observed is that because I'm in a community here that's a small but thro, thriving community, I'm at the pub and hanging out with people of all age groups. So, you know, I was at the pub yesterday with people from 18 to. Probably 80. And we are discussing everything from how the mini strokes are affecting my friend. And also, I mean, another friend just died recently who had really severe diabetes and a boot, um, you know, had really, horrible gamy foot. And and then, you know, people. Losing weight on those tablets that everyone's taking at the moment. And people dealing with alcoholism and then people having children and people who are pregnant and new mothers and new fathers and them kind of navigating that world. And then there's like. 18, 19, 20 year olds navigating the politics of relationships and falling in and out of love with each other, and people stepping on people's toes and all of the stuff. And it's all happening all at the same time. And we are all involved in each other's thing, and it's brilliant because it means we're sharing intel on. Especially the female experience of body changing and all that kind of thing. Like we're sharing all of that, but we're also like keeping each other vibrant. And it's funny'cause when I moved here, I really noticed how people here looked a lot older than people did in Brighton. And what I said about that was it just goes to show that alcohol's worse than drugs because frightens are wash with drugs. Um, and alcohol is like a secondary thing. But the only people I've ever lost to a drug and died and or nearly died and have had to go get, proper support to re rehabilitate themselves, has all been alcohol. So, with all the other drugs that people I have loved, have taken and have seemed at some points to have had problems with, like ketamine and, and GHB for example they kind of were, it was a bit of a problem, but then they came back all of their own accord. And I'm not saying this is the same for everybody, but this is just my lived experience in Brighton and then lost a person, you know, someone died from alcoholism. Uh, two people full blown had, and needed help and got it and did it, and that was amazing. And then another friend died. It was an accident, but they had been drinking heavily the night before, so, that was sort of slightly in the mix. It's just. It is actually the worst drug out of all of them. And what I observed moving here was how much older everyone looked here when that's the main drug. But what has now happened in the five years that I've lived here is we have been significantly let down, and we all know this, but this is just from another angle, been significantly let down by our world leaders and. What has just happened is five years ago we went through a collective, a global trauma of a pandemic that terrified us, that separated us, that caused us to miss funerals, weddings, deaths of our loved ones. Being in the hospital. So many things happened that have affected all of us, and there's been no collective. Support, you know, mental health support, grieving kindness. It's just been the absolute opposite of World War III Looming. Authoritarian control, right wing, rise of fascism. It's just, it's been, we have been failed. We have absolutely been failed. And I know that we're all aware of that. I think on a economic level and on a political, You know, they're about to take away judged by jury. But policing and, yeah, all of that kind of the state it, they're failing us and they're going more and more into the darkness and is off the back of this huge group trauma. So the other thing, the main thing, other than the fact that the issue is in Brighton with me going out on New Year and there not being anyone to come out with me is partly because. We all hang out with people in the same age group, and so if everyone's having kids, then there's just a handful of you left that aren't, and so. There's only a few of you anyway, so before 2020 there was like, there was literally five or six of us that didn't have kids that would still go to the same pub that we all used to go to in our twenties. And it was starting to feel a bit tragic and a bit sad. And you know, obviously we had other things going on in our lives, but for us to have community and. Hang out with each other and see someone of an evening. We had to go to the pub and it, it was getting more and more expensive and it was only us hanging out with each other. It wasn't like the younger people in the pub hung out with us. So yeah, it was quite sad feeling. And then the pandemic happened, it changed everything. Now it's too expensive to go to the pub and everyone's hanging out in their age groups anyway. But then it's caused this huge rise in depression, acrophobia, just the fear response of people not going out. People just don't go out anymore. They can't afford it. It's a weird experience. Even if you do go you know, people like have to book tables in a lot of pubs in the UK now, and it's mainly like food based. Even if you want to play pool or play darts, you might have to book the table in advance. It's just, it's really weird. Whereas, I'm going to the pub here and it's like the nineties I'm in this weird position where I'm living somewhere that is like the nineties and then I'm dropping back in every now and then to this reality that is the UK reality. I'm not gloating, I'm not being like, I'm not being down on England. I, I think I just want to point out what's changed and how it's changed and how. Bigger deal that is so that we don't,'cause the problem is with us humans is we get used to things and we put up with things and we're adaptable. I'm just listening to a podcast today about concentration camps and actually brothels in concentration camps, which. It was awful, but it actually wasn't as awful as I thought it was gonna be. I thought it was gonna be more awful because it actually turns out that the guards were really not allowed to have sex with the prisoners at all because they were so seen as subhuman that it was like it would be subhuman of you to. Have sex with a Jewish person or a sex worker.'cause like antisocial people were also put in the camps, but they would, have brothels for the prisoners who were the elite prisoners. which was the ones that were like distributing the horrible messages or the food or taking the people to the gas chambers and that kind of thing. They were incentivized not with food and not with better living conditions'cause they weren't. But with sex and the women who were doing it, it was horrific, but it was a much better. Situation, them being in the work camp, doing the work.'cause you were being worked to death. Whereas in the brothel you were in a room and being fed and being looked after and you they were quite on it with STDs and making sure that no one had STDs and they all had to show their woodies and wash, have them washed before they went in. And it still was horrific, but it wasn't quite as horrific as I thought it was gonna be. And the, it is just that what it made me realize was listening to all of that, I was just like, humans are so adaptable and that is why we are survivors. But it means we just slip into getting used to things. You know, that's, that's how you end up with concentration camps and it's how you end up with horrific situations because. We just sort of walk into it and I have much more sympathy or understanding of how it happened in Germany now when I'm seeing it slowly happening before our eyes and just the layer the layers of lies and the layers of corruption and the layers of authoritarianism. And I do believe there'll be a crunch moment. The good news is that. Next year's gonna be a really amazing year. So this year, if you listen to my, um, podcast from the start of the year, year nine, year, this was gonna be a weird one. We had astrology happening that hasn't happened in 350 years or 150 years, and they, the last time it had happened was the French Revolution, the Industrial Revolution, the American Revolution. It was all big, mad stuff with a lot of Aries, a lot of fiery Aries, Aries energy, but then also it being a nine year was quite convoluted, subtle, very like wishy-washy, confusing, fake news, ai. What is reality kind of vibe? Next year is a 10 year, and in terms of the, our chemical process, it's the equivalent of year eight was stoking the fire. Year nine was cleaning the apparatus. And then year 10, it's when you turn the. Led into gold and our lead is the shit. It's the shit. It's the way the government's treating us. It's our shadow work, it's the economy, it's money. It's all the things that are, are dark places. How do we turn that into gold and it to become medicine and to be profound and beautiful and useful and what makes us the people we are and all of that next year is gonna be mega. And so for us to really. Step boldly into next year. It's a Leo energy. I think I said this before, that it means that you are going to have to be seen, like you're gonna show, show up and shine, or you're gonna show up regardless. People are gonna see you regardless, so there's no point hiding. So shine, shine brightly and be the biggest, brightest version of yourself. It's the star card. It's full blown, and the lust card as well. If you have the th deck, it's just being in your power and. Full of Golden Leo light energy. So next year's gonna be mega so tonight we've got the winter solstice celebration. I'm gonna connect with my community. I'm gonna come together and really try and, just like sheds the gunk of this last year and just step bravely and brightly and optimistically into next year. And we do have a fight on our hands and we do have work to do, and we do need to pull ourselves together and get out there and do it because hiding in our homes isn't gonna help. It doesn't mean, um. Brushing it under the carpet or ignoring it, it might mean getting therapy or it might mean joining a choir or like just doing things to push yourself out into the world again and being completely. Kind and compassionate to yourself and those around you as to how and why we're in this place and in this position.'cause it's perfectly reasonable. We've been let down and for us to create a world that we want, but we've gotta be active in it. And next year is that year is the year to make things happen. It's the year to shift. And then 11 is like the frequency rises and transcends and vibrates into a new reality. And that'll be the year after that. So we are looking at 2008, we're gonna be entering into a new reality. So it is all to play for, and next year the energy is behind you. And kind of as of tomorrow when this podcast comes out, we'll be in this new energy.'cause the solstice, we've had the new moon. We've, uh, Sagittarius New mean as well, this fiery new mean. And then we have the solstice, the new solar cycle has begun, and then the cancer Full Moon. At Christmas is perfect'cause it's all about the family and being with the family and being enriched in community. And then we have the Capricorn New Moon in January where we're gonna make our icon stasis and our mood boards for the year ahead and to just start creating what we wanna create. So, feeling into all of that, I know I got it wrong in my last podcast on my own, not the one with Terry, the one before that, and I thought it was Capricorn. Dark Moon in December, which it normally is. So it's quite a big thing that we are, it's all been put off till January'cause it's really giving us time to clear up our act properly. Think about, almost like spring clean and get ready for what we're gonna do and what is it? I don't even really know myself. It's not like I'm like, oh, I'm gonna go do it's, and it doesn't feel outer worldly for me as well. It's not like, oh, I wanna get my book published. I do wanna get my book published. That's still something I'm trying to do, but, um. It feels more than that. I feel like I'm very up for letting the universe lead, but I've got things that are happening. You know, there are things that are, that are underway that we will continue to work on, but it's sort of letting the universe lead and seeing where that takes us us as in me and dle my partner. And just yeah, seeing where, where the universe leads us. Which actually is quite a good point to pull aro and see what the universe has to say. Radio. I haven't pulled this room, I don't think on the podcast yet. So it's an R and it means the cartwheel and it is literally about. The changing of the seasons, the wheel of the year. So we are here on the winter solstice and it's very apt that I've pulled this room. It's all about the seasons moving and changing, but it's also about journey and travel. And this too shall pass. So this is linked in terms of the tarot card of the Wheel of Fortune, and it's come up in my life. Twice. So the Wheel of Fortune tarot card I pulled when I was. Working out what we were trying to say to Matthew Hopkins, the Witch Finder General, when we were creating the sisterhood play and we were, we knew that we were taking the play sisterhood to all the places where Matthew Hopkins had tortured and executed witches. And I knew we were gonna do a healing ceremony and I knew what the healing ceremony was gonna be. So we had a black stone and a white stone. And initially, um. We held the Blackstone and, and thought about the people who'd been oppressed. And it might be the witches who'd been burnt there, but any other peoples like that you represented or you came from, or that you cared about and you thought about that you wanted to honor. And so you sort of filled the Blackstone up with that. And then the white stone you held and thought about people or movements or individuals who've inspired you and give you strength and hope and filled the white stone up with that. And it was actually on like the first or second night that. There was a woman there, white woman there, who had a black partner, and she was like, why are we always doing it this way round? Why? Why is it always this way round with the black being oppressed and the white being the hope? And um, and I was like, you are absolutely right. Let's do it the other way round. And so we changed it. So it was the white stone was the oppressed and the black stone was the hope. And everyone got it wrong. Like we would do the ceremony and people would totally stumble over it and get confused because it was so. At odds with our brain training that we couldn't think of it the other way round, which is really interesting. I actually once listened to a book called Blink, I think it was called, but it was about the split second before our conscious mind kicks in where we make judgments and that's where our in innate racism and things are. There no matter how much you think you're a liberal and want to not be a racist, you are. Instant reaction will be negative towards dark skin if you're from a white background and culture, because it's so ingrained in us that it's the non-conscious brain, the subconscious brain's reaction. Instantly before the conscious brain kicks in and goes no, I don't mean that. But it means, obviously that's having an, a instant effect on like jobs, like cvs. If you see a name that's, a foreign looking name and all that kinda thing, that we have an instant reaction that is a no, that will be a negative towards it. And that's it's in us. But also that can be retrained, but it needs to be acknowledged that, that's like a. Something that we need to work on or, or develop. And doing the stones the other way round helped me'cause that I don't get stu, I don't stumble over that. Now I'm not saying that that doesn't affect everything else I was just talking about, but it's definitely been a useful thing to do.'Cause it just, it's, our brains are so programmed, you know, and sometimes gotta think about it in terms of reprogramming it and I didn't know what we were saying to Matthew Hopkins. That was the thing. It was like we were doing this tour. And I timed it so that we were doing it over Soane and we were going to be performing in the in Manning tree, which is where we was from in the pub, where he first accused his neighbor of being a witch and he pulled her out by her hair in outside the pub and through several days of torture and like basic starvation and not letting her sleep, um, she became delirious and. Confessed to being a witch and like, confessed to two other women being linked to her or working with her, and all three of them were hung and they were taken back to their villages to be hung, which weren't all in the same place. And that spread the news that Matthew Hopkins like. Was this witch finder and he knew what he was doing. And off the back of that, he then was able to go and make loads of money out of being this witch finder, which wasn't sanctioned by the law. He just was a serial killer who and a con artist who managed to brag that it was, that he was credible. And the civil War was going on. And so the men were off fighting and there wasn't really enough people around. Question what was going on? And so he was just turning up going, anyone got any witches? And the local council were like, oh, actually, yeah, that old woman who's single over there. Because if, if you're accused of witchcraft, your children didn't inherit the land, the government, like the local council would get it. So it was a really useful way of like land grabbing. And like problem neighbors, like whole families would be hung for being witches just'cause they were a bit of a nightmare. And, um. So I didn't know, like, so I timed it that we were performing at his birthplace on Halloween, on Full Moon. So that year the full Moon was on sewing. And so I had it that we were in his birthplace at sewing and then, but we had a few performances before that, and then we had some performances after that. And. I just didn't know what we were gonna do when we got there.'cause it was like, what are we actually saying to Matthew Hopkins? Are we gonna like go find his grave and decimate it? Are we gonna scream? Are we gonna cry? Like what? And it was like, can't really force emotions. Do you know what I mean? Like, it, it was like, what, what are we doing? What is it we're actually saying? And then my friend actually one of the girls who was in. Cast brought these really beautiful tarot cards with her. I dunno what deck they were. They were like a kind of quite a rainbowy, sort of sixties hippie very feminine, very nice set of cards. It'd be interesting to find out, actually, I'll ask her. We did a very profound. Reading where we pulled cards for all of our characters in the play, and it gave us some insight into our characters that was useful. And then it was like, oh, actually, should we pull a card from Matthew Hopkins to see what it is we're saying to him? And the card I pulled was the Wheel of Fortune. And in that particular card there was women between each of the spokes and the women at the bottom were all in dark blue and had long brown hair and looked like they'd been accused of witchcraft. And were in absolute. Sorrow and then the women at the top were blonde and in white robes and it was like yellow color and they were in their power again. The dark being bad and the light being good, but what that card showed me is this too shall pass. And it was Boris Johnson and Trump were in. It was the first time around and it was just like, oh God, you know. We've got these iil running things. But it was that this too shall pass, and I know it passed, and then he's come back again, which is mad. But I think we're a lot more, um, awake. We're more awake. But why are we not, why is he still being able to be in power? And you've got the Epstein files and things like that, you know, it's just like this. It needs to stop. This needs to stop. But it, and when people got that much money, it, it can feel insurmountable. It's a bit like, um, David and Goliath, but it is. We are, it is possible and this too shall pass. All dictators die. You know, Berlin wool's, full empires, crumble. This will not be forever. So this too shall pass. And then also, the other time that this room meant something significant to me was it was the pilgrimage to Cop 26. I pulled this as the starting room. And then the other room, uh, the end room was the blank room, which is like the full. So it means anything is possible. And in that. Uh, reading this was going on a journey, so we're going on a journey across the country and I arrived in the isle of White at the start of the lay line, the spine of Albion with Scarlet. And we, we marked the beginning of the lay line, the root chakra, which is at the Devil's Punch Bowl in the is of white. And we arrived and there was a. Motorbike festival happening. And so the whole of the isle of white was full of motorbikes. There was wheels everywhere, which is quite funny. Um, and we did our opening ceremony and I left the wheel room in the dragons nostril cave on the cliff, edge of the isle of white where the lines come in. And and it was mad actually,'cause everything looked like dragons down there. It was these giant nostrils, it looks like a pair of nostrils on the edge of a cliff. And then in the. As you're approaching them, the furthest away cave, so the right, the right hand nostril, um, if you were looking out to see went in there and. At the back of it, there was this huge rock that was coming out the back that looked like a drag, a dragon's head. So within the Dragon's nostril there was a dragon's head. And on that I put my Reen the Cartwheel radio and then carried the blank room all the way up to the Crown chakra which was Hope Bay and the nostrils are just below Culver down and Culver is pigeon or, but it can be Dove. So it's like Peace Hill to Hope Bay, which was nice. That was a nice thing. And walked that route thinking about. Mother Earth and climate change and you know, it was pilgrimage for nature, listening to the land. And then the pilgrimage I just did was pilgrimage for peace. And it is so profound. This is what has been kind of, working its way through in the autumn coming into winter for me, in this little journey that I've been on called life that like the intentions that we put out there are massive. They have a huge effect on. On reality, which is incredible. Like my reality gets so turned upside down by the intentions I create. So I have to be careful, but also I'm, I don't have to be careful'cause I'm interested. I, my, my intention for next year is the myth off of gold, which I don't, I'm really, I don't dunno what's gonna happen with that. I'm intrigued. I burnt my first bank note on the dark mean ceremony, the Sagittarius dark mean ceremony, and it was. Surprisingly profound. I'd spent a lot of time looking at it and I'd written down all of the things I could about it, like how many buildings were on it, how many people, things that were written on it, like the sentences that were said. Like I just, I properly looked at it, like how many times the number one was on there, how many times the word one was on there and the serial number, and then I burnt it. And then I read out all this information about it and I was like, oh, that's really weird. It feels like a death. It feels like something's just died and I'm doing, it's like a bittery. And the um, my friend Kat, who was on the call with me was like, well, one is energy, isn't it? And by burning it, you've just ended this, the energy cycle of that note. So it is a bit like a death. And it was weird'cause I wasn't expecting. That I wasn't expecting that experience and it was really profound. So I have a 10 pound note that I am, have also spent time with and have written everything down about, and it's the 10 pound note that I would've used for meat draw. Um, and sometimes you don't win at meat draw, you know, I basically, it was, it is gambling money and I didn't. I didn't buy the raffle tickets that Friday, and so I didn't gamble. But if I had bought the raffle tickets, I could have not won. And I would just, it would've just, you know,'cause um, I talked about it the other day with people and they were like, well, you know, but you could give it to charity, which is what people always say, fine. But I, I, he'd literally just won five, six things on the meet draw. And I went, but you could've not won anything this week. And no one would be like, why are you taking that gamble? You know, it's your money, you deal with it what you want. And I chose not to buy the raffle tickets that week. And so. I'm choosing to burn it. And he was like, no, actually. Yeah, that's fair enough. I do all, everyone on this island gives so much money to charity. We are, we are charity fundraising all the time and yeah, it's amazing what we manage to do here. So charity and gambling are very much part of our everyday reality. I've never. Ever gambled much before I moved here. But we're always buying lottery tickets and raffle tickets and meat draw tickets and betting on cheap racing. And it's just, it's like that basically gambling and charity racing is what we do here. That's what our relationship to money is here really. But yeah, it's definitely made, so I was gonna burn the tempo note. Yesterday we were meant to be doing a ceremony. To, um, the Dolmans do it, but the weather turned horrible and people just weren't really up for it. And so I'm gonna do it today at the Solstice as part of the Solstice celebrations tonight. And it feels like a big thing for me to burn this time. I know. And it's just, it's just interesting. I'd be interested to hear if anyone else does it, what their experiences are, because I'm not saying this is, it's a bit like with the lay lines. I don't know what a lay line is, and everyone has different relationships to it and different experiences of it. And because this is in a world work, everyone's in a world's different, everyone's reactions are different, their universe is different. The meaning, the, the beliefs, all of the things that are in there, what your imaginations like all affect how you. Interact with these things and experience them and they're all valid. You know, it's not, you don't, you don't tell a child that they're playing wrong, like how a child plays is how a child plays. Some children are really gregarious and are out on the climbing frames and take risks and wanna talk to everyone, and others wanna be in an imaginary world on their own and are much more like. Private and shy and you can't turn around and be like, that's wrong. Like, no. A child plays the way the child plays. And that's the same with our spiritual connection. Well, our connection to spirit and our imagination and our our play and our actions and our intentions. It's all absolutely personal and valid, and we all have the right to give ourselves permission to fully express ourselves. And. Experience reality through the avatar that is you, and everyone's different. Everyone's unique, which is why it's amazing that any of us manage to cobble together a reality in any shape or form. And also well done, you know, well done all of us for what we do manage to do, but also, to have like empathy and patience and compassion for other people's journeys. Today is a weird day for me. It's actually ended up being great because it fell on the solstice. It ended up being really good'cause I was already gonna be doing solstice stuff anyway. But there's a big meal that the, the women on the island have for Christmas and there's a bunch of us that don't get invited. And I'm one of the women that don't get invited. I've been here five years and I don't get invited and. It's horrible and we've talked about it with some of the people that are involved in it and said, you know, this feels really horrible. Why are you not asked? You know, some of us, some, one of the, one of the girls that doesn't get asked has been here 15 years, and it's like, why? But I mean, at the same time. We don't really wanna be somewhere, you don't wanna be somewhere where you're not welcome and or where people are. It can feel a bit bitchy, like, you're gonna sort of get together and bitch about people. It, it is quite an oppressive force. It can feel, it's quite, and, and it's hard and it's a hard thing to navigate. And largely it was really upsetting. We, there was, yeah, there were people who were really upset, including myself about last year because. The numbers of people that were invited significantly agree, and people were invited that never even go out. And it was like, well, why? Why are they getting invited when they literally never go anywhere or do anything? And then you are not inviting people that you hang out with and socialize with on a regular basis. And the group of people individually, we hang out. And get on, but collectively we don't. And it is hurtful. And this year it happened to land on being the solstice and that for me was great because I would've been doing the solstice stuff anyway. And the solstice is about community. And so it's been nice to be able to reach out to everyone who's not been invited and be like, well, you are all welcome to come to this event. And, um, and this is for everybody. And it's just. Community's a tricky thing and it's not easy and you have to just accept that people aren't always gonna like you or you're not everyone's cup of tea. And that's just the way it is. And sometimes you can upset people, but it's not necessarily forever. And hopefully you can sort things out and make amends and then some people are never gonna forgive you'cause they're like that and you've gotta just accept that. And. All of these things are just part of the messiness of life, and this room is, Cartwheel is like this too shall pass. You know, we're on a journey. It's a pilgrimage. Life is a pilgrimage and things will not remain the same forever. And to keep being open, keep growing, keep exploring, and trusting the process. So yeah. Now onto the Chaos Crusade. If you enjoy this podcast, then please consider supporting me at Patreon, which is patreon.com/joly rose, and we are heading into Creation hibernation. This is the last podcast of season two, so I will be back in the new year. I was thinking about when, I thinking may be in bulk, but I think I'm probably going to say the end of February. So the beginning of March will be, when I come back, I, I need two months really to have off and we'll be entering into creation hibernation, which there's a group of us who are going to be doing that, where we're gonna meet up online and. Write together and share a creative process of writing. You don't have to do writing, but we will be doing writing. So I think probably you do have to, yeah, I think it's a writing immersion. I have done it before where it's like any creative thing. But um, yeah, no, this one is a writing specific one. So if you want to join in with that then drop me a message nonsense at the k nonsense in the chaos@gmail.com and I can tell you more about that. It's very cheap. It's very cheap to join that. It's mainly if you sign up to Patreon to the little bit extra tier, then it's that, it's free. It comes as part of that. And if you're not doing that, then it's a few, I think it's a two pound 50 a session or something. So if you wanna get in touch and sign up to do that, then in January with a amazing lady called Claire, who actually I'm gonna invite to speak. On the podcast next year, but my friend Claire's invited me to take part in her her time, which is incredible. She does shamanic healings with people, and she does it in a space. The stables with the horses. And the horses sometimes come and help and support, uh, which just sounds incredible. I'm very excited to enter this space and experience the horses healing and supporting the healing, and they're very sensitive creatures, so I find that. Absolutely intriguing. So that's gonna be in January. So if you're interested in finding out more about that, then get in touch. And then we've got a Starra immersion weekend, which is on, like 22nd, 23rd of March. There's a, I think two spaces left. Uh, so if you wanna book onto them, then do that ASAP. And then we've got Beltane Festival obviously coming up in May. So there's lots still happening. And I will be doing the moon ceremonies and the moon articles So you'll hear from me over the next two months, but I won't be doing any other posts and I will be offline doing podcasts and things like that. So I, I will not be. Scrolling or just generally interacting with social media. I'll just put up the moon ceremonies and the moon articles when they come out and um, so yeah, so if you wanna see me or talk to me or have anything to do with me, then keep in touch through the moon ceremonies or just email me and then I will return at the start of March with the new series of the Nonsense in the Chaos. And yeah, just enjoy your winter months. I hope you have a lovely time now on with the show. So for this week's Chaos Crusade, my invitation is to do something around community. To take away the pressure of it being this corporate consumer Christmas to do something with your inner twin, with your inner world where you make something. Um, so I made a Yu Log which is a log with four candles on that you burn over the 12 days of Christmas. So you'd start lighting it. Today and then you'd, um, over the 12 days, it would be like the candle would last three days for each candle and then you would burn them down for the Yue period. And I've made one as a gift to Ellie, who's very kindly letting us use her house this evening for the Solstice celebrations. And. Yeah, that's just a nice thing to do. And although this isn't coming out till Friday, so it's a week from now it will be Christmas. Christmas will happen. But just while you are in the thick of all of that, to give yourself that just to do something like maybe you get a, a present that you are happy to pass on and you go to a neighbor who you haven't seen for a while and, and give it to them, or I dunno, something that just feels like. You are stepping outside of your comfort zone and reaching out to community in a different way. Maybe going, working in a soup kitchen or something. And it can be, you know, like that in between period, between Christmas and New Year. Just see if there's something you can do in that time that's just a little bit unusual for you. That is being kind and. Caring to someone else, maybe sending a postcard, writing a letter, drawing a picture, writing a poem, something that's, uh, an act of kindness that you're putting out into the world. And I think not making a song and dance about it as well, that it's something that you do secretly, that only you know that you've done and that you are putting out to just make the world a slightly better place and for it to be community centered. So that's what I would suggest for. The Chaos Crusade and to just really be gentle with yourselves over this new year and into the new year. We've got some lovely, gentle astro astrology. You know, you're being, you're being, um. Taken calmly into the media and it would be great to make the icono stasis with you if you want to do that. That will be what's happening. It's around January the 18th. I'll be doing a dar moon ceremony, the Capricorn dar moon ceremony. So yeah, like I said in my last podcast of, um, collecting images to put on this icono stasis and we'll make an icono stasis together, which goes on the back of your altar and it's just like a mood board for the year. And, and it. It's so inspiring. I mean, I've, my one has been incredible for this year'cause I have literally done everything that's on my mood board. It's all come to fruition. So it is a powerful tool for focusing the mind and really setting intentions. So yeah, I'm excited to enter into this 10 year and for us to. Really work on our pixels. This year is the year for our pixel to shine bright. And if enough of us do that, then the overall picture will change. So as much as it feels impossible and it feels fucked and it feels scary, we are, we have the capacity to change this. And next year it feels like a big year in terms of that. So shine bright, be the best, highest version of yourself and be brave and. Come from a place of love and compassion and community and kindness, and to keep reconnecting with that. It's not a one way street. This isn't like pilgrimage is peaks and troughs and ebbs and flows, and the wheel will keep turning whether you like it or not. And it's cyclical. It's not this linear thing. So you know you might be upset with people not inviting you to a meal or things happening that makes you annoyed or upset and angry. And that's fine. You're a human. But to keep recommitting and re centering yourself with love and kindness and compassion and integrity, and to just keep coming back to that. So it doesn't matter if you falter, if you trip up, if you fuck up, that's okay. You're a human being. But to keep coming back to this place of love and forgiveness. For yourself and for everybody else. So happy, happy Christmas, happy New Year. I'll see you on the other side. Have a beautiful, relaxing time, and huge love to all of you. Thank you for all the support you've given me this year. Do tell people about this podcast word of mouth, especially because social media's become so useless. The internet I think is about to disappear, which is frustrating for me because this is one of the ways that I had of accessing. People, audiences, you know, this was, this was what this was all about. But I'll keep going'cause the internet's still here, is here for the, the time being, but you can see it disintegrating. But that's okay. We'll just go with the flow. And I've said before, you know, the Alan Moore, the writer who is a self-proclaimed wizard, do, if you, um, do a YouTube search for Ala Moore. Wizard perhaps steam paradigm shift, words like that. It's worth watching this video. It's Alamo talking about how we were ice people in the neolithic times and then we became water as we started to travel around and colonize and trade and all of that stuff. And now we're turning into steam and that it's a huge shift that we cannot. Possibly comprehend. And we are not gonna know what it's like till we get there and there will be pluses and minuses, but we just gotta go with the flow. And the age of Aquarius, which we've entered into a Pluto entering Aquarius, also mirrors that because it's an air sign. So we've gone from earth, this heavy Capricorn earth energy into air, into this entrepreneurial, crazy ideas air sign which is why so much astrology this year was new because nothing's. Been happening in this Pluto in Aquarius for 350 years. So it, it made a lot of the astrology the first time in our lifetime astrology. But that's all settled in a little bit now. Like it's gonna be in that sign for the next, I think it's like nearly 20 years or best part of, and so that's happened. And yeah, I just think we are gonna be settling into it, but things are changing and you can see they are, and we gotta just. Relax, really surrender. So loads of mindfulness, loads of, uh, meditation, connecting with nature, but also being brave and brash and bright and going right. My pixel's gonna shine, so shine away my darlings and I shall see you in the bright sparkling you 10 year of 2026. See the honor. The final episode of Nonsense in the Chaos for Season Two is a pause at the threshold. As Yule tide gathers us inward, this week’s episode explores the numerology of the coming year: a universal ten, the number of the radiant body, the moment in the alchemical process when lead is turned into gold. This is a conversation about community, about scale, and about agency. When the bigger picture feels overwhelming, there is still the work to do on our own pixel, making it as bright, clear and generous as it can be. That, in itself, is a powerful action. I’ll be stepping away after this episode for a digital detox and some much-needed Creation Hibernation time, returning in March. Until then, this feels like a hand on the shoulder and a steadying breath. We’ve got this. And next year asks us to step up. Not alone, but together. And can we just take a moment to enjoy the fact that I’m ending the season on the number 69. No, I will not grow up. See you back here in March 2026. Happy Yule Tide and New Year!