#42 The Meaning of Life and A Deeply Profound Bun Dance

In the forty-second episode of Nonsense in the Chaos, we delve into the sacred significance of the number 42. As revealed in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, the answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42 — but the real puzzle lies in not knowing the question. This episode becomes a ‘Quest-I-On’ of its own, leading us to the word abundance. 

Through this lens, we explore gratitude as a daily practice and learn how to trust the flow of the universe. I reflect on the many ways my life is filled with abundance — and how, if we look closely, so are all of ours. Join me for an intergalactic dance with meaning, mystery, and a healthy serving of bun-based philosophy.

The music and artwork is by @moxmoxmoxiemox

Nonsense in the Chaos is available on all podcast platforms or you can listen to it here… https://nonsenseinthechaos.buzzsprout.com

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Transcript

0:30

The. Welcome to The Nonsense in the Chaos. I'm your host, Jolie Rose. This is number 42 in the Nonsense in the Chaos series of podcasts, and 42 is of course the meaning of life for. You Douglas Adams fans out there. If you're not a Douglas Adams fan, you need to get on that and you need to read the hitchhiker sky to the galaxy. So the story goes that there's a computer created called Deep Thought he's created an order to answer the big question to life, the universe and everything. And these, beings, these aliens create this super computer and they're like we set you this task. And he goes, oh, okay. It's gonna take me a while to think about it. And they're like, oh, how long? And he says, four and a half billion years. And they're like, what? Okay. And he goes, but just think about how great it'll be for you to argue in the press and to philosophize and what the answer will be. You guys are gonna be on the gravy train for all this time and, be, it'd be beneficial to all of us. And they're like, wow, you really are clever. And then they come billions of years later to come back to him and ask him what the answer is and he goes I don't think you're gonna like it. And they say, no, go on, tell us what's the answer, the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything. And he says, 42. And they're like, what? And he says, it's, the problem is I don't think you understand what the question? is. And I won't give any more away, any more spoilers, but he builds a computer that is able to answer what the. Understand what the question is What is the question? And I wrote a book that isn't completely finished. I need to do some more work on it, but it's mainly there. So a book is in existence called The Meaning of Life that I wrote when I was 42, and I did a Saturn return series where I wrote a book when I was 28 when I was 28. Saturn returns to your birth chart every, I think it's 29 years. So I wrote this book from 28 to 29, and then certain signs who are ruled by Saturn are also affected by the seven year chapters. So the four, lots of seven that. Make up that 28 year turnaround. And I'm Capricorn so I'm ruled by Saturn and I do find that my life has very clear seven year chapters. So I wrote my first book, the Girl Who Ruled the World when I was 28 years old, and that was published by King's England Press. You can buy it on Amazon if you Google Jolie Booth the Girl Who Ruled the World. There's a book that I wrote when I was 28 and I describe it as, train spotting meets 50 shades of gray. It's very rude and very deported, and it captured an amazing year. Like I just started writing and it's quite, it suits the short attention span psyche of the world we now live in at the time. That was just me writing like that.'cause I'm probably a DHD, so I was already, I was ahead of the curve.'Cause I only, I wrote the book, I think it's 2006 to 2007, and I only joined Facebook in 2007. I. And yeah, so the whole, like writing how you're feeling in your, in your profile you put like, how you feeling today? It used to be that you'd put these little comments and you'd write tweets and we got used to writing in short little Tweety lengths, but at the time that was not how we spoke. And yet this book was written in that language, in its stream of consciousness. And it's about a character called Esmeralda. And for legal reasons. It's definitely fiction, but um, there's a lot of it that isn't fiction and. I follow my life over the course of a year just writing snippets of things down. So there's things that I have magpie from other people and things that I've just seen and heard around the place, and bits that are completely made up. So it's called auto fiction. So it's autobiographical, but it's fiction and that's what all my books are i'm just finishing my fourth novel now which is called Walking With Autumn, and that's about my first pilgrimage. And in this one I am actually using my real name and that's gonna get published this year. I found a publisher. Just need to, we haven't signed any contracts or anything yet, so we're not gonna say anything about that yet, but that should be out towards the end of the year and. So that's a separate, I'm gonna now write a book for each of the pilgrimages that I've done, and that's like a separate body of work. The Girl Rules the World is part of a series called Saturn Returns. And so I'm writing a book every seven years, dipping back into the character of Esmeralda and what's going on in her life, which is basically my life. But like I say. Big chunks of it aren't true. And some things are complete fantasy. There's like things in it that can't be real. So I wrote The Girl Rule The World at 28, then A 35 is Never Worn and Never Worn. Comes from Hemingway having a bet that he could write a story that would hit you emotionally with just six words, and it was for sale. Baby's shoes never worn. Really sad. And it was about going through IVF and that whole journey, it captured the year of that happening. So at 28, I basically was becoming an adult and kind of realizing that the world wasn't. Waiting with a big red carpet and fanfare for me. And it was a sort of a bit of a shock'cause I'd done drama school and I'd really believed that I was gonna be somebody and I really believed I was gonna be successful and famous and went to drama school, still feeling all of that. But I went quite late. I was like 26 I think when I. Joined and then when I came out, the other end was screwed out. The other end, I was suddenly 29 and it was like, oh shit, I'm nearly 30. It hasn't happened and it isn't happening now, so it's not happening. And yes, of course I could still become a famous actress later on and da da da, da, but it was just. It wasn't what I thought was gonna happen, which was to be the ue, the sexy, young actress. You know that wasn't gonna happen if I did become famous. Now it would be as an older actress, and that wasn't the dream or the vision and. Then found myself at 35 working in a call center and doing IVF, and I was like this really wasn't what I planned at all, and felt like a total failure, and that was really dark and that was a dark place to be in. And then 42 was me and my ex-husband splitting up and me walking across the country on my first pilgrimage and ending up in SARC and meeting Dizzle, who's my husband now. And that was, yeah, that was a big chapter change as well. So it does feel like every seven years of my life does a huge chapter change. That was 42. I'm already 46 now, so I've got three more years and I'll be writing another book and we'll see what comes up. Then I'll be turning 50. I can't believe I'm getting that old now. It's mad. It's mad. I feel younger now than. When I turned 30, it was a really big deal for me because my dream or what I thought I was gonna be was disappearing and I was too old to be it. And all my mates were like, we are not old. We're old. Thirty's not old. We're not old, blah, blah. And I was like, yeah, but it's it. I'm too old to be the thing that I thought I was gonna be. So for me it's old. And then since then they all struggled turning 40, whereas I was like, ah, I'm used to this shit now. Like I've been old for ages, like I don't care. And actually now I feel younger than ever. And yeah, although there is obviously an age gap between me and dle, it's not noticeable. So. Yeah it's been cool writing these books every seven years, and I've always loved Douglas Adams and the number 42 and the meaning of life and what the meaning of life has felt like for me and has led me to move to SARC was trusting the unknown, which is the whole point of this podcast. The thing I love about pilgrimage and I, I just um, had a really cool meeting with. A whole new group of people that I'm gonna be walking a new pilgrim. Well, It's a route that I've done before, but it's a new group of people and it's a fresh body of work. Walking from Cornwall canal and near land's end 500 miles to the Norfolk Coast and it'll take two months. And walking this September and October, I need to start training'cause I'm really unfit. So I need to get into shape and get fit for it. And. Part of the reason why I'm so unfit is'cause I didn't walk last year, and that was the first year I've had off since starting doing this in 2020. And what it taught me was there's two, two archetypes from the tarot that I think are relevant to. The pilgrim and that is the hermit card.'cause it's about you doing your inner work and walking with your flame. The little part of you that is the spark that sparks you into life. That is, that you are the guardian of, you're the guardian and gatekeeper of this little soul. That is your little spark. And that's what's in the lanin of the hermit and the hermit's off spending time with this little spark. And then also it's the fool.'cause the fool is stepping off the cliff into the unknown and everything's the fool's favorite thing, even when it's horrible and wet and miserable and you stink and you can't eat. And there's, life's shit. And that happens in pilgrimages. There are days where it's awful where you are. Mopping up a puddle from the bottom of your tent with dirty pants just in this pouring rain and it's just is horrible and every day. Then there is also, in contrast, absolute miracles and humans just doing the kindest, most unbelievably generous, lovely things for you. The blow your mind and then nature gets involved and chucks a double rainbow in it, or just the amount of stuff that happens. It's mind blowing, but also becomes completely normal. It's oh yeah, of course there's of course another miracle's happening. It's just what happens. And it was great to meet four of the six of us that are gonna be walking met last night online and had a chat. And I can already feel how magical it is to be back in this space again and to get to know each other so intimately that we'll just drop our pants and wee in front of each other. At the moment we're strangers, but. The Pilgrim family is this tribe of people where we just, we in front of each other and we poo and fight in front of each other and we've, we can be like we are with family and in more relaxed even than you would be with family'cause you're in much more feral situations. And that we're far, we just, you become so intimate and so close in a way that. It's really special and we are all much more in touch with each other than any other group of thing that I've been involved in. We are still active on our WhatsApp chat and we walked in 2021 and yet we're all still saying happy birthday to each other and chatting and just like sending little inspirational things, it's not all the time, but definitely fairly regularly. And yeah, and it all led me to moving to sarc. So when I was on my first walk on my own, I was walking. From Ken Leal. It's the same walk that we're about to do from Ken Leal to the Norfolk coast, walking from west to east. And me and my ex-husband split up in the first week of the walk. He split up with me and I just felt homeless, like I didn't have my keys with me. And he was saying, don't come home, finish the walk. And I just. Did I felt like I should. I'd had a card reading at we Adelaide in Australia, in Adelaide at the Adelaide Fringe over the winter, just before the first lockdown happened. And in that. The priestess had said, the high priestess had told me in the cards they were about to do a big thing, a huge endeavor, and whatever happens, finish it. And I had that in the back of my mind. And he was also, my ex-husband was also saying, I won't let you in if you come back home. Don't come back home. And so I did keep walking and. It meant that I healed. I healed a lot quicker because I had nowhere to hide. It was just me and my own inner world for, seven. It was like seven or eight weeks that I was walking for, and I just had to face how I was feeling. I had to face the darkness and the pain. There wasn't the distractions of going to the pub or the, I mean, I went to a lot of pubs, but on my own. But there wasn't the distraction of work and socializing and TV and stuff like that. It was just me in my head. And then. Also the land definitely began to work on me and with me, and I feel like I have a connection to the land and a relationship with the land that is sentient and is two way and full of love and support for me. I value it hugely and I really missed it last year'cause I didn't walk last year and hated it. I'm glad that I did it. I'm glad I had a year out so that I know that I didn't, I don't ever wanna do that again. I mean, I can't, I'm not gonna necessarily be able to walk forever, but. Going on these long walks is really important to me and I don't know how they make sense or, the last body of work was me walking at St. George's cross the length and breadth of the land. And that made sense to me.'cause I was walking there and back again along the George's Cross and now I'm setting off again. It's like, well, do I do that again? Do I walk there and back again? The length and breadth of the land again, four times I get, I dunno, I'm just gonna keep. Going with the flow, but that's what I'm doing this time and I'm gonna walk the full length of it this time.'cause I didn't. There were bits that I missed, like Luton and and I'm much better at world camping and there's like people with me so I'm not on my own. So it's safer and easier to World camp. When I walked on my own, I stayed at campsites and in Airbnbs and stuff, and then jumped over Luton.'cause it's a really big city. But actually we've got a lot out of going to the cities like Stoke on Trent, which you know, is a. Rundown city in many ways is our favorite city. Out of all of the fancy cities we go through Winchester and Stratford, Aven and then Manchester, which is a really, big, vibrant, got a lot going on, but stoke on Trent proper. Awesome. We always have an incredible time there. And yeah, to not judge a place and to meet it,'cause that's part of the line and it's part of the journey. So I'm looking forward to fully. Meeting Luton. I'm looking forward to seeing the caves in Royston because we've never been able to see them, first of all'cause of COVID, second of all,'cause it was out season. But I've written to them now and I've got yeah, been in communication with them. So they're gonna open for and doing our performance. We are gonna be performing George and the Dragon along the line as we walk. So Sark life, I've had that in my head all week. So life, I've had it in my head all week. I've actually just rewritten the lyrics and I'm going to make a music video for it and get everyone to sing it. And yeah, the having done the pilgrimages and this one, the first one that I did on my own and it leading me to move to sarc, it's what? Taught me about community and trusting the unknown and trusting the process and letting the universe lead. And I'm, having moments of doubt with that at the moment because I'm settled in here now and I've got my life here and I do keep having moments of like, and here I am, I'm 46 and I clean toilets at the mermaid and I'm on a barmaid's wage. And that, again, it's a bit like when I found myself at the call center at 35, this was not. What I imagined I would be doing at 46, I imagined aged 40. I was gonna be living in a gal apartment in Barcelona and I'd have a butler and the biggest glitterati parties you've ever seen. And that was how I imagined I was gonna spend my 40th. I actually had a really. Fricking call 40th. That wasn't that dissimilar from what I'd imagined it would be. But it was a rave in STAMA Park outside of Brighton and it was the, like a full blown great Gatsby, 1920s party with a different sound system in every room and amazing decor and loads of 1920s costumes. And it was Brighton, so everyone dressed up really well and it was exactly what I'd imagined it was gonna be like, it just wasn't in the gal apartment in Barcelona. So I smashed that, which is great. And I. In so many ways, I'm successful in so many ways. Like it's ridiculous. I, my friend messaged me the other day, she said, you are the most successful and poorest person I know. And I was like, thanks. I dunno how that works either. But the. I have to keep checking in with and remembering that it's about trusting the process and trusting the unknown. So here I am. I've arrived in sarc. I've met this beautiful human being who's the love of my life and makes me so happy and loves me in the purest way. I've, I just didn't think it was possible for this to occur, and I'm privileged and honored, and. Treasure what I have. And I also just think, God, I can't do this for 40 years. Like being, working in a pub, being in the situation I'm in, and I'm like well, I know it won't, things will shift, something's gonna give, something's gonna change. I'm trying to learn to do things. I'm trying to develop skills and I. Get better at doing things that I can do from here. For example, like TikTok. I need to learn to do that. But my videos always so NAF and I can't, I need to do some training if anyone's got any ideas or tips about doing online.'cause it needs to be online.'cause I, I'm not, able to really get to a workshop or anything. Or a course needs to be something online. If anyone's got any on tips for online real making TikTok, social media content making courses, or anyone that might be up for helping me. I would be very interested to hear from you. Because I need to up my game and I'm surrounded by beauty and I've got this amazing space and I met a woman called Fiona in the wild who's on TikTok, and she came to SARC and she just put some videos up of her camping and they got loads of views and have become huge, and that all paid for her holiday here. And I'm like, this is what I need to do. It makes my skin crawl. It's not at all what I imagined or wanted to do. In my previous life, but being here, I'm so limited by my choices. I need to play the internet game really.'cause that's what I do have access to. I have access to Paradise Beauty, a mad imagination, and a crazy life. And the internet. What I don't have access to is loads of drop opportunities or like loads of funding pots or huge numbers of people for audiences. And that's all the stuff that I would normally be creating and working with. So I need to work with what I've got and working with limitations is brilliant for the creative process and I feel like I'm learning so much here and being in the government, I'm in the government. It's absolutely incredible what I'm learning and I love it, but I need to up my game and I feel like just getting better at. Reels on social media would be like key. I also don't have loads of money available to spend on a course, so I am looking for freebies or like help and support that's free if possible. But if it was like not a crazy expensive course, then I could possibly do it. But yeah, money is tight. So yeah, I really want to make that work. And it's also trusting that. Nothing's gonna stay the same like World War three's possibly already begun. And you don't know what's gonna remember to treasure the moments that you have because I'm here now going, oh, I'm cleaning the toilets, blah, blah, whatever. But I'm like. At peace and safe, and I've got a roof over from my head and Dizzle here, he hasn't been conscripted into the army. We are not like hiding from bombs being dropped on our heads. We're not staring into the abyss of a nuclear war. We are slightly, but not obviously just yet. And. We've got electricity and we've got access to everything we want and need 10 years time. I could be looking back on that and going, my God, I'd give anything to be cleaning those toilets right now. Don't ever take anything for granted, because I'm lucky as hell to be living in paradise. I'm living in absolute paradise with someone who loves and adores me in a gorgeous cottage. There is nothing to complain about, that for me is what the meaning of life has been is the number 42. What is the question or the quest? Quest eye on is to keep questing onto and into the inner world and questing in the outer world and going on adventures, but all of them are for me to. Challenge myself to not get comfy and sit in a seat and just let life happen at me. But to create mad experiences and get out there and do weird and wacky things and put myself in unusual situations that push me and terrify me and excite and. Inspire and interest me, and then also to trust the unknown and trust the process that all will be well. So the universe has never led me to being wealthy, but I also have a moral high ground in the government that is very useful because I'm the poorest person there and I've always got that perspective and authority in terms of. This is what's being done at us, and I always have that perspective to add to the mix. I'm the one that's thinking about access and inclusion. And also Jimmy, who I'm gonna be interviewing next week. I can't wait for you to meet Jimmy. I'm really excited. So my guest next week is my first interview with a SARC local. There's a I wanna just interview everybody. I wanna speak to everyone and including all the people here on sarc.'cause everyone's got a story to tell. They're. Interesting, beautiful people, but Jimmy is such a diamond and we are going to create a radio show that we're gonna, start doing it in Sarks. We're gonna do some SAR radio and I was doing the podcast for Jimmy, for him to experience what it's like to be interviewed and just go through the process of making a podcast. And he was brilliant. I've got absolute full confidence in him smashing it, doing a radio show, everyone's gonna love it. So I'm looking forward to hearing that and working with him on creating that and just. Generally so's so lively and full of ideas at the moment. It feels like a really exciting, inspiring place and the possibility of creating a little utopia here. See, I didn't choose to be in the government. The universe asked me twice to do it. When I say I trust the universe, this is an example of what that means. So someone approached me and asked me to join Chief Police. I said, no way. I have no. Desire to do that. I've never wanted to be in politics. I'm very political and I'm very driven about things, but like I'd only just been living there two years, which is how long you need to be there to be able to join the government. But I was always like, I'm having a nice time. I'm getting married next year. Like I don't really wanna do chief plea. And then. Second person came up to me and went, oh, the first person said that you were up for doing Chief Police. That's amazing. It's so exciting. We really need people like you. And I said no. I said that I wasn't doing it. And she went, oh my God, please do it. We really need like left field thinkers. We need people who've got a bit of life experience that from other places. And just someone who's more left wing. There's a lot of, the sort of people that can do chief Police because it's voluntary. Tend to be wealthy, retired men, that tends to be what the people that are able to do it. And then there's a lot of locals that have been doing it forever, which is brilliant, and we need them and we need that continuity, but we need a little bit of fresh, young blood and yes, a bit more left, left leaning views. And please do it. And I was like, okay. Actually I haven't sought this out, but the universe is. Brought this to me twice and has given me good reasons for it and asked me to do it. And that's what I mean by trusting the universe. I was like, yeah, all right then. And then I've ended up being in it. And that means even when things have got difficult, which this year they've got really difficult and have had some very sticky one of the most unpleasant, I've had loads of unpleasant experiences doing that, to be honest. And the level of big girl panting I've had to do is off the charts. But wow I've never even used the term big girl pants until living here. And I've always avoided and hated having difficult conversations. And then it starts feeling like it all clicks into place. And this for me is what the 42 comes back to, is what is the meaning of life. It's what you make it mean. That's the key. So I don't think as a white, privileged person, you can sit there and say, oh, everything happens for a reason, which I was brought up being told. My mom always said that to me, and I totally love her for saying that. It's not, I don't, I'm not knocking her for saying that she's a born again Christian, and she's a very beautiful, positive person, and she's like, everything happens for a reason. And it's a bit like how they, my mom and dad always talked about unconditional love as well. Now I think the thought of unconditional love and the thought of everything happening for a reason. It's less powerful to me than realizing that my mom chooses every day to love me the way she loves me. She loves me fiercely and passionately, and she's there for me, and she will do anything she can. She will be generous and giving, and she'll, give things up herself so that I can have them, like she's so incredibly giving in the way that a mom is. But just, I know that all moms aren't like that. And I feel so lucky to have a mom who is like that and she chooses to do that. And that to me is more important and more powerful than unconditional love, which is it's just a given. And that's also how I feel about meaning. So it's not that everything happens for a reason. But I believe that we can find a reason for everything happening. So for me, the IVF and the whole IVF journey and being really depressed and hating my life led to me having an ego death where the person who thought they were gonna be famous and be the big entrepreneur had to step off that cliffs unknown, where I was like, I'm not gonna kill myself.'cause I love my mom and I'm not gonna do that to my mom. But I dunno what I'm gonna do anymore. I dunno what I'm here for. Universe, you are in charge now. And that was that moment and I stepped off the cliff like the fall into the unknown and I said, you are now in charge universe. And I feel like I'm having to do that a little bit again now in that so much has happened in the recent times. I. Moving here. Like the pilgrimage led me here and it led me to meeting Dizzle. And Dizzle had a tattoo on his finger of the room. That was one of the Rees that my pilgrimage was. I pulled two Rees for the pilgrimage. One at one end. I placed one re at one end and placed the other at the other end of the country. I made a spirit line between these two rees and one of those Rees was tattooed on Drizzle's finger. So when I met him, it was like, and the other room was my room. So it was like me and him make that pilgrimage. It's like that pilgrimage created me and him. And so that's a. Sign, if ever there was one. If you're gonna look for signs, and I don't believe in this, I always say this, I always give it the proviso, but like the universe is just chaos. It is just chaos. So you might as well follow some signs that mean something to you, just as a way of having a menu, having some kind of guidelines. Follow. Follow the signs. Be conscious and if anything, it makes you be more present and makes you observe things, but it also gives you a little chuckle and a bit of gameplay. And I, I will happily accept and would also let go of attachment to it at any moment. I'm like that with all beliefs. Is that. I would happily I'm not attached to them. And when I find things that I am really attached to, I will try and work at letting go of them and seeing how I can let that go. Just continuously keep letting go of attachments. But one of the attachments I have, I guess one of the meanings I have is that we can find meaning. And in fact, actually I did let go of this slightly the other day because I was saying, know, it's what we make it mean and that we have that power to find meaning within it. And then I met this young lad who's just finished doing philosophy at a level. And he said what about if you are in a concentration camp or you've, been tortured and you're completely broken down and you're now like, almost like in an animal state? How do you make that make meaning? And I was like, actually it works up until the point where hope is lost. So while there's still hope. Then you can turn your shit into gold. And that's what alchemy is turning lead into gold. And that's what the full Moon is that we literally had last night is the Sagittarius full moon. So the Sagittarius full Moon is being able to alchemize your lead into gold. And what that means to me is taking the shit bits of your story, the bits that are. Dark and crunchy and hard, and that really pushed you and you had to put your big girl pants on and to find the gold within it to find the meaning and the medicine from it. And I'm, in the middle of a process. At the moment, I'm in a, I'm in the thick of a chapter. I'm not at the end of a chapter page turn, you know, that's in two, three years time, two and a half years time, there'll be another page turn of my seven year chapters and. Yeah, I'm writing the thick of the crunch at the moment. I suppose I'm in that drama point of the story has to get bad and worse, and you're like, oh my God, it's not gonna, and then, and then it all resolves and the hero figures out what they're doing. And also that also might not happen. It's just, whatever gets you through the night, hurling through space on a lump of rock, just whatever gets you through the night. So I'm. I'm open to and exploring and looking at what meaning there is in all of this. And what my quest eye on is that I'm on the question, what is the question to life, the universe and everything? What is the quest that you are on? And the quest that I'm on is to make this world a more passionate, compassionate, and extraordinary place. And I know that that's a possibility I created for myself, my life. Many years ago now. And that was from being in a cult called Landmark Education. I'm giving you a little name check, because that was from you. They're not really a cult, but they're very pyramid Schemey financially, but I got a lot from them. I actually wouldn't dissuade people from doing their courses. I got a hell of a lot out of them. They're just very. Good at enrolling you onto more of them, is the way I would put it. But they're brilliant and they're called the McDonald's of Enlightenment and lots of the tools that I learned from, that I still use, and one of them was inventing myself as a possibility and I invented myself as a possibility of a passionate, compassionate, and extraordinary life. And then that evolved into. That being the world, that I'm the possibility of a passionate, compassionate, an extraordinary world, and I use that all the time. And that's what my quest ion is. And so that's what I'm doing. That's what I'm here for and that's what I'm doing. And yeah, all in the name of 42. So I'm gonna pull aro and see what the universe wants me to talk about. If you enjoy this podcast, please consider supporting me on Patreon, which is patreon.com/jolie Rose. I would love this to become my full-time job. That is the absolute dream. And if I keep creating content that you like and putting podcasts out there and sharing the incredible people I know and telling you all the stories about the weird and wonderful world that I am living in and creating, then. And hopefully people will hear about it. People enjoy it, and more and more people will support through Patreon. It is happening. It's growing. It's lovely. It's a beautiful community that supports me and I love everybody who's involved in listening and giving me feedback and sharing. I'd love more. Anyone wants to let me know, like things they want me to explore or people they think that I should interview or anyone, or if you wanna be interviewed yourself, if you are like, when's she gonna ask me? Just get in touch. I'm well up for it. I'm excited to interview everyone. I want to peer into everybody's beautiful world. You don't have to be doing something special or fantastic. It's, this is about. How everyone's a parallel universe and we're all guardians and gatekeepers of an inner world that only exists while you're alive. I'm interested in every single one of those universes and I wanna see into all of them. So I'm game. So if you're up for being interviewed, let me know. And if there's anyone you think would be great, put them in touch with me. And if there's any themes or topics you'd like me to explore further, or anything that I've discussed that you're like, or could you go into that in a bit more detail, then reach out to me on social media or nonsense in the chaos@gmail.com. So if you are able to support me on Patreon, that's just a really nice way to say thank you. If you can't afford to do a monthly subscription, then just share tell people about the podcasts and just get the word out there. And if you wanna see me live doing anything in real life, I'm gonna be at Shangri La performing in the evenings. On all of the nights, Friday, Saturday, Sunday in there's a really cool new thing happening at Shangrila. I'm not gonna give it away. You're gonna have to come along and see. So if you happen to be at Glastonbury Festival, there'll be some installations and performances happening in the evenings between 11:00 PM on two in the mornings normally when we're there. Come along and have a look and then. I'm gonna be at BoomTown as well, opening BoomTown. So if you come to the origin stage, I'll be at the beginning of the opening ceremony blessing, the blessing the festival. And then we will have our own venue called the La Luna Coven Venue, which is a secret hidden venue, but we are in the old town, so you'll have to find where we are and see if you're able to get in. There's normally a bit of a queue, but it's very exclusive. But it's really good fun and you can come and meet me and get the experience of the Luna Coven in real life. And then, yeah, my book's coming out in towards the end of the year, and I'll be. Creating the pre-sales and pre-orders and getting that kind of going so that it gets pushed.'cause the more pre-orders you get the further it pushes your book these days is all about the pre-orders apparently. So I'll be doing the walking pilgrimage for two months from September to October across the UK from. Cornwall to the North Coast, and if you live anywhere along the Michael line and know that route and want us to come and perform for you, or if you're up for feeding us and looking after us, then get in touch again and we'll come and visit you. I'll obviously be doing my podcast whilst walking, so you'll have a whole journey of two months. My God, I dunno how I'm gonna manage to do that, or we'll try it. I might have to not. I'll see. We'll see how well that goes. I might have to have a break for a little while, but yeah, we'll be, there'll definitely be lots of, live recordings from the walk and the people that we meet. So I look forward to sharing all of that with you as well. But definitely get in touch if you'd like us to come and visit and yeah, buy the book, order the book. I'll be getting that up and I'll be able to share links with that scene. So very much looking forward to that and now on with the show. Thank you very much. So the universe, what do you want us to talk about today? Abundance. That's apt, isn't it? Yes. Abundance. Gratitude. Ah, okay, cool. I just wanna share abundance. I once had this in a, I was doing some project with Buffy, who some people might know who's a musician. I might try and interview her. Actually. She'd be a good person to interview. Cassia is her real name. She's been making work in the same world as me for since two th 2002 or 2003 I've known her for. And Poppy, poppy Kay's. Jonathan Kay's daughter was good friends with Buffy and they used to make music together and. We were doing some project, oh, we were trying to build an amphitheater. Oh yeah. So that, yes. Hang on, I'm gonna make a note of this.'cause community, yeah, I'm just thinking about the Chaos Crusade. Okay, I've got two, two for you. Yeah, we were trying to build a, an amphitheater out in Brighton and it was called the Apple Pie Project because it was just how delicious and relishing a thing an apple pie is. And that was what the feel of the project was. And we found a site and we talked and it, the ball got rolling quite a lot, and in the end, an amphitheater did get built in Brighton by a completely separate group of people, but it felt like. Although it was nothing really to do with us at all that it got built, there was definitely something put out there. People did tell them that people had been interested in it, so they knew that something had happened before. And one of the things was abundance. And I got these buns and I would do a dance with the buns, and that was abundance and. I've waven that into my harvest festival. John Barley corn celebrations for mice and celebrating the harvest is doing abundance. And so that's what mainly comes up for me when I see something that's abundance. So this ruin is feel, and it looks like an F and it means cattle and it's about the abundance of the beef and the, all of the meat and produce you're gonna get from this cattle and how much money they're gonna make you. And yeah, for me. It is become a real interesting thing living here on sarc. It's I'm so living in a bizarre reality because I am a successful artist to some people. There is a world where I'm known as a successful artist and I have had quite a bit of money at certain points and have been, I've, I was able to travel the world. I was able to buy designer clothes. I was able to, do whatever I wanted. Sit in cafes all day and work and have all my time to myself. My time was pretty much my whole life other than a year and a half in a call center and about six months working in an office when I was 18 to get the money to move to Australia. Other than moving to SAR and working in the mermaid, which I've done now for five years, which is mad. I've never had my time controlled by anyone else. My, if I get up, I can get up whenever I want. I, if I'm having a, my period, I can take a day off and I'm bleeding. I, my time has been completely available for me to spend it however I want. And now I don't have that. I have shifts and I have to be at work for those shifts, and I can just about cope with it because I. Working in a pub. So it's being paid to socialize in a way. So that feels palatable to me as a Savannah animal. I don't think I've said this before on the podcast, but I've been talking about it a lot recently. So it feels like I have, but I don't think it's been recorded. Me saying this, that I teach producing at Chichester University was one of the things that I did when I was still living in the uk a module about producing. And one of the things that I would talk about is how. I taught it at E 15 as well. I forgot about that. So yeah, taught it at E 15 and at church university, and it was talking about. How we have different types of animals in the world. You have Savannah animals and zoo animals and zoo animals are really comfortable and happy to have their food brought for them and their medicine given to them. And they know what, they know their routine and they know their lives. And the thought of just suddenly being dumped in the wild without any of that. Would, they'd probably die. They wouldn't be able to cope. And then you have Savannah animals who are wild animals that you capture. And if you put them in a zoo, that will kill them. Or they'll go mad because they'll basically feel like they're in prison and you are either one of the zoo animals or you are a Savannah animal. And I am 100% as a pan animal. I'm 46 and I've spent 26 years. Wow. I suppose 20 years. Because I've lived here for five now and I've had to give away some of my time, which to me just feels like some of my life and I know people who work in an office and have done this all their lives, probably like boohoo, but also. I don't have any money or security or safety because of that. So yeah, I have that amazing freedom and it's brilliant. But I've not got any security. I don't have a pension. I don't have enough of a wage, I don't have, I just, I have no security. There's no security whatsoever. I don't own any property. I don't have anything. And. That's great when a pandemic happens and everyone's losing their shit. Also with all the stuff that's going on in the world at the moment where the economy could fall down any second, I've got nothing to lose. And that was pretty useful in the pandemic where I was able to just float my way over to sarc and I didn't have any children tying me down or any other things holding me back and was able to just move over here and find myself a beautiful husband and yeah, live the life that I'm living. Abundance for me is something I've come to recently is realizing that I benefit loads from being. Poor in that, like I was saying earlier in chief police from having the kind of moral high ground. And that's such an intrinsic part of my personality. I do look at Kathy Burke and I think she's a working class hero who's got money and she uses her money to do good things. And that's what I would like. That's what if I suddenly had loads of money, what I would do is set up trusts and funds and, grants and stuff for artists I'd leave it all to a struggling artist. When I die, I 100%. Or if I went to an art event and I met someone, I'd like just sneakily. Buy their picture for loads of money or just things that helps artists on their journey would be so important for me in helping young people get off the ground with learning a skill. If someone's like really keen to learn the piano, I'd get them a piano, or just things like that, like ways to help people tune into their creativity and be really generous with it and create. Really cool public events and community events and just do fun and funky stuff with it. That's what I would like to do. And yeah, I see you Kathy Burke pretty much is definitely my inspiration and guiding light in all of that. So yeah, that's what abundance to me means being grateful for what you've got and realizing how lucky you are with everything you have. Which brings us on nicely to the Chaos Crusade. Now, I might have already suggested the easy part for this before, and if I have, then maybe you should try the harder part. If you've listened to that podcast, I'm not sure if I have. I think I mentioned it alongside morning pages, but anyway the easy part of the suggestion is writing a gratitude list and doing this every day, and I did suggest doing it as part of the morning pages. I remember now as I've said it out loud, so you might have done this already, but I really recommend writing gratitude list lists. That's a brilliant way of feeling how abundant you are, of being aware of how. Lucky you are. So writing down all the things you're grateful for, and you'll start with bigger things like your family or your job or things like that. But then it's the little things as well, like a really good juicy, fresh strawberry. Picked yourself from the garden or watching a snail slither along and its little funny eyes doing its little thing or watching a sunset, which is what I just went and did for my friends. So if you're watching the video, you'll see that my outfit's changed. So yeah, we've got a really nice habit here in Sark of watching a sunset. And I do it regularly and it's something that I feel. I just never did. Really, it was only if it was happening by coincidence that I would ever watch sunsets in the uk. But here it's one of our things that we go do. We're just talking about the solstice. We're gonna go watch the sunset and swim in the sea with the sun setting for the solstice, and then stay up all night and then go swim on the other side of the island, which is only a mile away, and go swim for the sunrise. And yeah, that's gonna be what we're doing next Saturday, which I'm looking forward to. I did it last year and I swam with the river of golden light, which meant to be the road to fairy land. And now I'll always associate with Sophia, although this last solstice, it wasn't associated with Sophia and I spread my legs and I was skinny dipping, and I spread my legs and impregnated myself with the golden beam of light from the sun and film myself up with the power of rah and all this creative juiciness. And then, yeah, did it for sunrise and for sunset. So that was pretty fun. And yeah, been a creative year. I've written a book and done lots of amazing things. So that was fun. opening BoomTown and walking the pilgrimage, writing my book, and. Doing all these mad things with chief police, which felt, feels very creative in its way as well. Creating a future for the island and creating an education system and creating a. Island plan and yeah, it's mad. All the things that, that I do here. Wonderful. So this brings it onto the second chaos Crusade suggestion, and that is doing a community project. So this again was a landmark project thing that I did. It was on one of the courses where it got you to connect with your community and it's the. To create, just to create something with community. So write down the list of communities that you are connected to, and then pick one and think of a project that you could enroll them in to get them to join in with something. So it could be throwing a street party or starting a community garden where you grow the produce together and then you eat meals together and maybe once a month you have a meal that you will eat. Food that you've grown together or a book club. A what if book club where you start a book club where you talk about what if the food supply chain stopped because of war or another boat got stuck in Sue Canal and where the end of the chain when it comes to food sales the food line. We are right at the end on sarc. So we have to actually really think about this and that's part of what we're. Developing. The island plan that I'm pushing for is thinking about resilience. So think of a community project that you could work on, something that you could do that would be nice with one of the communities that you are connected to, and enroll them. Enroll people in doing it with you. And if you do something, let me know. I'd love to know. Go for it. Why not just do a thing and whatever, it's knitting a stitch and bitch club. Or put on a jumble sale for a charity or something like that. But do something that involves other people. It's literally. All I do now, my whole life is that we're doing the big picnic on SOC this Saturday and it's an invitation for people to come along with hampers and have a picnic. And then there's a few caterers, different people like restaurants and event caterers who are picked together, hampers, and are gonna be at certain spots. There's gonna be music at certain spots, so it's just an invitation for people to come over and have a picnic. So I'll be going around doing that and then, yeah, just. Forever involved in community things. There's a jumble sale this Saturday as well, so we'll be going and supporting that by going and buying some stuff. And yes, so always things happening. So go and get involved. Get involved in your community. It's where resilience lies, as I've said before. And it's also where you really connect with abundance and maybe part of your community thing at some point can do abundance yourselves. And remember that it all comes from this lovely room feel thero of abundance. So that's it for me today. Thank you ever so much for listening and supporting and. I look forward to speaking to you next week. I've got such a cool interview with my friend Jimmy, who's a local here, and I'm looking forward to you meeting him. He's such a beautiful human being, so thank you so much, and I shall see the anon.