#49 Gemini Season and Untwisting the Twisted Twin

Recorded on the Gemini Dark Moon, in the throes of Gemini Season, this is an investigation into the dynamics of the inner and outer versions of ourselves. Exploring the archetypal realm, in lieu of it being the ‘Witchfool Are You?’ Course. This is the time of year, when I support participants to explore which archetypes rule them. This episode untwists the sphincter that separates our juicy infinite inner world to unite it with the infinite chaos of the outer world. 

Our outer world is desperate for some inner world magic. Too much Thin-King has made it brittle, ‘othering’ and weak. The rich juiciness of the inner world is the balm that will heal and unite this divide. Bringing balance and harmony to both the micro and the macro. 

Listen now to hear more about how this all works…

The music and artwork is by @moxmoxmoxiemox

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Transcript

0:34

The. Welcome to The Nonsense in the Chaos. I'm your host Jaylee Rose. It's the Gemini Dark Moon tonight, and I'll be holding a ceremony this evening, and we are also in the Witch for You season. So the reason why I run The Witch Fool You course during this time is because it begins with this Gemini Dark Moon, and the Gemini sign is all about the twins and twin energy. So within fooling we are working with our twisted twin. So the twisted twin is our inner version of ourselves. It's the part of you that when the doors are shut and no one's there, it's the bit that burps and farts and listens to whatever music it listens to and enjoys whatever the things is that it enjoys. And it's the you that even your partner doesn't completely know. You don't completely know it. And part of the adventure I find in life is getting to know this part of yourself better. And I think that, you have a very short time on this life for exploring the outer world, which is great. You get to travel and all those kind of things. And the inner world. And the inner world also includes all the people and beings that are in the outer world. They are part of your inner world. At some point, it's the realization that they're both one, you know, so you can get lost in too much navel gazing, doing inner world work if you don't include the outer world in it, or hold any kind of reverence for the outer world. The reverence shouldn't all be for the inner world. The reverence should be equal for both. But the outer world does hold our attention. It's very noisy and actually the world that we're in at the moment is almost like a war. I mean, there is, a lot of war going on, but probably the key war that is going on is for our attention. Because the more that they can keep our attention outward, the less we'll look inward. And the more you look inward, the more you realize we're all one. Because every, because your twin is infinite and all twins are infinite. And so we are all one twin. It's just that, I keep talking about this sphincter, but it's actually called a Taurus. If you look up, I think it's T-O-R-U-S, I might have spelled that wrong, but if you look up the Shape Taurus, it's not spelt like the star sign. they are kind of like a donut. But the image that I think's most relevant for us is one where it's less of a wide hole in the middle. It's a very tight hole. And then it, donuts round into this circular motion and. Sphincter is our ego. So yeah, the closer into the middle of that, column in the middle, you get into that sphincter. The more it's like you, and this is what I've talked about before, you know, you have the universe and the solar system and the world, the country, the town, the house, the bedroom, your body, and then inside it's how you are roughly feeling what's going on more in the bigger picture, your kind of family and inherited baggage, your cultural baggage, and then your imagination and the dreaming and ancestors and archetypes. And then at some point it all becomes collective consciousness at the back. And we will join up and then collective consciousness and the outer world have a relationship. Because, all of this I've talked about before is, does the idea of a supermarket put itself. Into the head of the person who then designs it or does the person designing it create the archetype of a supermarket, you know? So like the first time someone says, let's make a hege, a Stonehenge, did the idea for that come from the inner world that then got manifested in the outer world? Or was the out world manifestation what them put it into the inner world so that we all know what that thing looks like? We all know what Stone Henge looks like. there are a million different types of cars that you could be talking about when you say, I got out of my car. But I can say, here I am getting out of my car and you can all imagine a car. If I stopped you all and asked you all to draw what car you are imagining, it would be different. You'd all have different colors, you'd have different makes. But overall there's the archetype of car. And that's what we're working with when we perform in fooling, is we're working with this shared archetype that's I know what a car looks like. I know if I slam this, it looks like I'm slamming a door. If I pressure my hand in front of me, it looks like I'm beeping a horn. I can like wiggle my arms and hands around and it looks like I'm driving a steering wheel. you'll know what I'm doing because I'm using the archetype of a car. The twin connects us all. And the more you connect with that and the more you open yourself up to that, the less you can other people. So, immigrants, enemies are all one. And this has been playing on my mind a lot. It's funny'cause there are certain signs that really affect me, which is interesting'cause I often say I don't really believe in astrology. I just think it's a useful tool. But actually there are certain, I mean, I do, I, I, I do believe in that. but'cause of what I experience, I'm always open to the idea that. it's placebo that I'm, I'm looking for the feelings and therefore they arrive. But some of the stuff that, yeah, some of it's so crazy, but obviously there's always gonna be coincidences and synchronicities in the world because there's a million things happening all the time. And sometimes they'll, marry up. But I've been considering this a lot lately with everything that's been going on.'cause I've been not in a great place I'm okay. I'm coasting and I am okay, but I, I'm keeping my head above water just about. And one of the things that's been playing on my mind was actually the last, not the last podcast, but the last solo podcast, me chatting where I talked about what had happened to Sophia. And I've been thinking a lot about the person that she was with and how I felt bad about. Some of the things that I'd said in the podcast. So I'm actually gonna go back and re-edit it because I don't wanna be responsible for someone, taking their life or, or feeling, witch hunted or anything like that because I was in a lot of pain and I'm hearing what's happening through people who loved her and obviously it's easy to want to blame someone and that's, life's normally more complicated than that. And, it might be, a huge factor within it, but also it might not be, and I don't know. And I don't want to be pointing the finger at anyone. So, I'm gonna go back and re-edit that. And I've also been thinking about the,'cause we are all one, and even your enemies or people that you have a negative feeling towards are still part of you. We are all one. How to meet people with love and compassion and kindness I went back and listened and I was like, wow. I was in a lot of pain, but that was not kind, it wasn't compassionate. So I'm gonna go back and reedit that I'm really tuning into and feeling my grief and, holding my grief. I've had some lovely interactions with Sophia. she was always gonna be stronger on the other side. She's a powerful other worldly being. it's interesting'cause she was part of my cove and so in a way we were slightly married and she's a sister She just feels very present to me and supportive and an ally and, a strong force for supporting me. she's been coming out in the readings that I've been doing a lot. she keeps coming up in my readings and obviously she was going to be,'cause she's such a kind of divine force and yeah, it's gonna be and is way more powerful on the spiritual realm than she was on this one. This world was not made for her unfortunately. And that's not right. And is part of what's driving me forward is that I want a world where Faye and tenderness and gentleness and sparkles and magic and rainbows are supported and held and embraced. And we're not just pushing it out all the time. The all that remains is tarmac and Gregs and feral pigeons. I just can't, I won't be, I won't, I won't be party to this and I will not tolerate it. And yeah, having your attention stolen by. Mindless pointless stuff is part of the weaponry that's being used against us. So beware and be aware of it. Go for walks without listening to anything, especially at the moment with Gemini seasons. This is what I mean with it being one of the ones that really affects me. So Gemini is thinking and, and quick thoughts. It's got a lovely lightness to it. Imagine I always picture Gemini's, two teenage twins chatting to each other. it's that. And the way that teenagers chat is just so excited and inquisitive and curious. That's the light side of it. The dark side is the, the tarot cards that are the negative ones attributed to Gemini are interference, cruelty, and ruin, and they're all swords. And swords is the sign of the thinking. So thinking is, an incredible add-on that we've had, the privilege of being given, but it's something to the world we live in, has fully set itself up for the thinking, which I'll talk more about in a second. But, it's even going beyond that now. It was all for the last, I don't know, since, I think it was like medieval times when, well, no, actually, probably more. It was the renaissance, but since we started to chop off like the heads of religious leaders and go more into the enlightenment and, it be about the head, basically it'd be about thinking and logic and reason and all of those things are brilliant and we've achieved so much with that. But we did throw the baby out with the bath water in that there was so much that we've discredited and thrown away that needs a re-looking at or re-exploring. From the place of reason because there was a lot of superstition and there was a lot of, corruption and misuse and misrule. But there was also like the power of placebo is more extraordinary than we are ever giving credit for, and I feel like is a huge area of research that needs to be explored because actually the whole of our reality is a placebo. It's a made up thing that gives us the credibility and confidence and strength to get through what is otherwise this mad chaos of hurling through space on a lump of rock. Your spiritual stuff might not be true. the science is true in that your. At the level you are at in the medium that you're at. As in like, I think of it as coming into focus, like the more in the present you are, the more in focus things are. And in that place are laws of physics and such like fit and work. But the further out focus you go, they don't work. and that's why there isn't a unifying law, that, quantum physics, completely screws, relativity. And there is no unifying law that that brings these all together because when you go out of the focus, everything stops working the way that we have it working in the middle, in the focus where the sphincters are, where all the sphincters are. that to me suggests some kind of, I am someone who believes in it being a simulation of some kind, not necessarily a computer or whatever. Like I just, who knows? It could be. And I do feel like consciousness is the key thing, but the. That's the thing. Consciousness creates this and we've created many different realities that have had no bearing on each other. You know, a hunter gatherer's reality and a Romans reality and Auds reality and a Middle Ages reality and a, and a Arabic reality, and a immigrant right now's reality and someone in the fucking, trafficked and in being forced into the sex industry is reality are all so different. And yet they are all realities. And so there's something about all of this that's it's a play that we are all performing in and we're improvising as we go along, but we somehow have a script that, all children are like, I dunno what's going on. And we follow what the adults are doing. And adolescence is, yes, hormonal, but a big chunk of it is going. Oh, right. This is all bullshit. Oh, right. And that's hard. It's hard for young people to realize that it's not good versus evil. It's not work hard and you'll be rich, or all of these things that we kind of fed as narratives aren't true. And the world's fucked and everyone's making it up and no one knows what they're doing. and it's that like, I don't know, like crest fallenness of going, oh, adults are just talking bullshit. It's a hard bit of pill to swallow and all of this is the sort of stuff that we don't give credit to in the enlightened reason, logic world.'cause this is all emotional stuff. It's inner world stuff. It's, you know, we'll, we'll credit it to hormones or mental health and things like that, but it's deeper than that. there is some other thing there. It can be in danger of being labeled too much in the spiritual world, and being too esoteric and being too spiritual. But it's definitely worthy of investing oneself in because reality without it is killing people literally through war, through pollution, through famine, through mental health and emotional lack. we feel like we've got a hole in us. Capitalism is making us feel, unworthy and not good enough and lacking, and therefore we keep filling it with these things that don't fill the hole.'cause that hole is our inner world and we are not filling it with our inner world. And so. You just get lost in thinking. And actually what's happening now is it's escalated to the point where there isn't even room for thinking anymore, because they're making us so short in our attention span and frenetic and crazy that we, we haven't even got a second to breathe or, or even think. But I wanna tell you a story, first of all, just to, bed you in a little bit deeper with what the twin is. And it's a story that you will know. And I have talked about this already. I think it was in the third podcast where I talk about the inner and out world. And I might have touched on some of this, but I'm talking about it now from the perspective of the twin. It's kind of the same thing. and we're working with Gemini Energy. So I'm gonna tell you the story of Cain and Abel. Now, you know this story. You know the story of Kane and Abel. You see, there was these twins and they were some of the earliest people on the planet. They were the children of Adam and Eve, and they were brothers, and they were very different characters. And Kane was this incredibly busy and passionate and logical and clear creature that would make things all day long. And he was desperate for Gods to acknowledge him. And, You know, be in awe of his intelligence and his greatness. So every time God came round to see them, because God walked the earth more, in those days, he would come and see Kane and Kane and be like, look at all the amazing things I've done. I just created tarmac and I made a whole M 25 and, and I've just like learned how to do heart surgery. Look, I've, I've, I've dissected heart. I understand how a human heart works now. So clever. I love your work, God. And, and yeah, I've split the atom. I split an atom. I, I, I worked out what an atom is and it's the building box of everything. And, and then I halved it and God's like, Hmm, oh, well done. Where's Abel? And Gain's? Like, oh, I dunno. He's, he's up in the, the hills doing nothing as always, just playing on his flute. Looking after the sheep. But look, look, come and look over here. Look. So I've, created cordon ble and, I've got this amazing new recipe that I can't wait for you to try. Are you gonna stay for dinner? I'd love you to stay for dinner. Please stay. I, I've, I've learned how to ferment grapes and I've created this thing called wine and God's like, yeah, I mean, maybe next time. Thank you. I appreciate the invite. I'm, I'm just gonna go and see Abel and Cain sits there all night drinking his wine on his own fuming because he can hear God hanging out in the hills, laughing and having the best time just hanging out with Abel. And Cain hates this and it keeps happening. Every time God comes to see him, he is there for a little precursory visit and then just disappears for days it can be hanging out with Abel up in the hills. And so came thinks, you know what? I'm gonna get rid of my brother. If I get rid of my brother, I'll have God all to myself. so Kane invites Abel over for dinner. Hey, Abel, I have created a new dish called Carbonara. I am so in love with it. It's my favorite meal. You've got to try it. So Abel comes and sits at the table he starts tucking into his dinner and Kane comes up behind him with the knife and slits his throat and watches as his brother's blood paws all over the table. And he buries him in the garden under a bank of tomato plants. And one day, soon after God comes to visit and he says to Ka, have you seen Abel? And Cain says, not for ages. Actually, I think he said he was going on a holiday or going for a long walk or something. But look what I've done. I've just invented the head drunk Collider. Check this out. God's like, yeah. Kane, where is Abel? Cain's like, yeah, I honestly, I have no idea. I'm sure he'll be back soon. I mean, I dunno. He just, he likes to wander. Doesn't he just disappear into the hills? It's one of the things that he does. But, yeah, look, I, I, I've created a saw and I've been chopping down trees and I, I've made a whole new supermarket and you can buy all your produce in one place. How clever is that? And God says, look, Cain, I know what you've done. You've murdered your Abel, you've murdered your abilities. And that's what Able is able is our abilities. And our cain is the thinking and the thinking and cane kill our abilities because. This part of us that is scared of not being good enough is the bit of scared. That's scared of being murdered because able came first. Cows, dogs, stones, rivers, all living things are able, they're able to be themselves. The dog is able to be a dog. It's not, it's not ever sitting there fretting about whether it's doglike enough or if it's as good as the other dogs and, oh God, I'm not the best dog. Even when there is pecking orders, like they'll, they might be trying to like get to the top of their thing, but they're not fretting about it. They're not crying about it. They're just being dogs. We were human. We were just being human, getting on with our, whatever it was, eating nuts and berries and. hanging out in the trees, whatever it was we were doing. And then at one point, as a, and I think this is what the Garden of Eden myth is all about, it's the metaphor of we ate from the tree of knowledge. Somehow we took the seed of knowledge of inspiration, which is actually myro in the, the, the seed of inspiration. And we took it and swallowed it and it was like we put a plugin, you know, like on in computers you have a plugin that you add to the computer and it. It suddenly gives you a whole bunch of other stuff, but the computer can exist without the plugin. And we ate this thing and it gave us consciousness. And suddenly the men feared the past and the future. They toiled in the fields. they fretted, they worried, they worried about things.'cause you can only worry if you are aware of time. And time doesn't really exist. It's a made up concept. But a dog or a cow are not worrying about the past of the future. Like they might have just got chased by a predator. But once that's gone, they're just back to relaxing. they'll have their instincts on alert at all times to make sure they're not getting eaten, but they're not gonna be worrying about when they got chased last week. And they're not gonna be thinking, oh God, in the future I'm gonna get eaten or whatever. They're just currently chewing some grass with their spider senses on they're being present and. Once we ate from the tree of knowledge and became conscious, we were able to store memories and we were able to feel like this and that and think about this, and that means this, and maybe they're gonna be there. And the, and all of these things, which is incredibly useful and is why we're top of the food chain and why we are nothing like the other animals on the planet because we got consciousness. But. It knows, this plugin knows that you could live without it and this plugin is your cane. And Cain therefore knows that it could be murdered and brings the murder to the party. Abel's not out to murder anything. Abel's just cracking on being able it, it doesn't think like that. Canin is the bit that thinks the cane is the bit that gives you neurosis and paranoia and feelings of unworthiness and all of the thoughts that you have and all of the inner dialogue that takes up all your head space that gives you depression is all cane. And that is the bit that is ruling the world. It's the bit that is all outer world. It's the, the outer half of that infinity symbol with the sphincter in the middle that then takes you to able and able does not have language because. Language came with Canin able is silent. It is a dumb twin that doesn't speak. That is just feeling an emotion and action and presence and experience and, and intuition and dreaming and creativity. And it's the bit that falls in love and it's the bit that creates art. And it's the bit that we have cut off and thrown out with when we, chose the enlightenment. And our world is fucked because of that. Because we don't have more time for Abel, because we don't make time for Abel. It's why. On the microcosm we're fucked personally. And why in the macro we're fucked collectively Because we need to let Abel back in. We need to invite him back. We need to within ourselves, be a better parent. Because if you are a parent of twins and you have a really loud, noisy twin that's always trying to get your attention and a silent, shy, dumb twin that literally doesn't speak as a good parent, you need to give time to both of them. Because actually, if you are giving all your attention to Cain, then that child knows that at some point your attention could switch. Even if they're getting all the attention, all they're gonna do is. Work harder to maintain that attention. It's a bit like getting fame and that's, there's no like end to fame if you win the attention of the masses, you have to keep generating more and more attention and get more and more famous because it might all just stop any second and then you'd lose everything. And that's how you feel. If you are of twin with a parent that's got you as the favorite, then you, you, that's not good parenting really. If you've got a loud twin and a silent twin. The good parenting comes from treating them both equally and, and giving them both the equal amount of time and, and love and compassion and, and yeah, your attention. So how do you create able time, It feels magic when you do it. It's beautiful things like many of the chaos crusades that have been suggested are about able, so going for intentional walks and going for walks in nature and not listening to music and not being distracted and giving your attention away to other things. Giving attention to this thing inside, and even just talking about it, my able, I can feel it now inside me, just sort of squirming like a baby that I'm holding, that knows that it's being loved and observed and, and thought about when so often it's ignored. It's such a key thing for our future, and that that part of us is infinite and that is the part that connects us all. And that's where our compassion is. You know? So, so we really need to tune in with that, with everything that's going on in the world is to remember our silent swim. The cane aspect is the thin king. So the thin king is this king who lives in a tower, and it's got every book and every bit of knowledge. The internet is in there, everything is in there. It's the full Wikipedia, all the encyclopedias, everything that's ever been is in there, and he is just ferociously reading it all and filling himself up and filling himself up. The more he reads and the more he learns, the thinner he gets, it's insatiable and it's dry and brittle, and it's just never going to satisfy. It's never going to fill the hole that he, because really that is about letting it all go and relaxing and accepting the unknown because The more you know, the greater the circumference of the unknown. So if you imagine if you hold your hands in a circle and then that's the known, and then you keep increasing the known and you spread your hands further and further and further apart, the circumference around it of the unknown also increases. And we've seen it in science. The more we know, the more we don't know, the more we move away from that central focus. The more out focus we get, the less known the, it just gets more and more chaotic and we see it as chaos, but actually it makes perfect sense to the inner world and to whatever this thing is makes absolute perfect sense, but it's not gonna make any sense to us. Because being fed towards the present, the moment, the central dot of this sphincter where it does all make sense to some extent, but the further away from that you get the more unknown we get. And the unknown in the end is death and whatever is beyond this thing, which we will never know and we cannot know. No matter what we do in the end, our time here is about becoming relaxed with death and being able to relax into death. And this thing of being able to slip through the sphincter into the other world with ease and to just be at peace with it and money and control and trying to live forever is all this game of trying to avoid that. But actually that's where the gold is. And this sphincter and this understanding of the inner and outer world is where the real spiritual gift is. It's where all the money in the world does not fill the whole, the hole is the gold. When you stop running away from it, when you stop avoiding it and you go, do you know what, actually that's the access to the inner world. It's where I'm gonna slip through when I die. And that actually is where all of the gold is. That's where. The gift of this whole experience is, and if we can relax and embrace it and not keep trying to run away from it and own it and control it and build fortresses around it and build up walls against it that will never find peace, that will never find you peace. It will only ever cause you more anxiety and stress and, create negative destruction in the world at your hands for you to create love and peace and compassion and kindness. It's all about embracing that journey into the inner world and that inner world where we all connect up and that's what this Gemini season is all about. And it's what I've been sitting with and reflecting on with everything that's been going on. there are things that are not okay, and it doesn't mean that they're okay and it doesn't mean plastering over them or, letting things happen. absolutely I'm up for the fight. I'm always gonna be up for the fight, but it's to keep coming back to and remembering that this is all just a story and a play in a game, and we are all one. Really the answer is love and compassion, whatever's going on, that is the answer. justice and adjustment and, fairness and love and freedom and equality can be achieved. But the roots to it is not through anger and fear and, attack. It's through love and compassion and truth and. Listening. there's always so many versions to a story. There are always so many sides to everything. and that, that's actually kind of fascinating and wonderful to keep coming back to that. And there are many battles that I've been embroiled in of late that have all been whatever. And I've had quite a lot of victory. I've actually been victorious and that's awesome. But to remember that the enemy is not two dimensional. They are a three-dimensional being who, aspects of, and elements of there is space there for love and compassion and kindness and friendship. So that's for me what the Gemini energy is all about. And when we're working with the fool, we are working with this twin because the twin is infinite and connected to everyone in the audience. And so when you are working in this way where you are revealing your twin, you are flipping your inner world in front of you. So it becomes part of the outer world. And they can see that you are doing that. They see how vulnerable you are being, and they open themselves up as well. And then we're all in this inner world space and are able to connect and share something special together that flips reality, that breaks reality. And that's when fooling at its best when reality goes out the window and we're doing something extraordinary that we wouldn't normally do. And the separation between audience and Performer disappear and we create something together and it's not like, oh my God, it's audience participation, but it's like, let's go look for the Messiah or let's go, let's go to a shop together. you know, the performance is us suddenly crawling along the pavement down the street or whatever it is. we no longer acknowledge the rules of reality and we're suddenly in our own little bubble of like, anything's possible and we start playing and it's, yeah, I've seen some incredible things happen and synchronicities and miracles always happen when you're doing this'cause you're in this space where you're sensitive and present and open to what's going on. One of the things we do in falling actually that like is a really good way of, bringing the canin enable aspect into focus is we do a thing called two minutes, where we sit in a circle and the, facilitator holds a. Stopwatch or a phone or whatever with a two minute, timer on it. And literally it's like everyone in the circle at some point's gonna get up and do two minutes. And, you can do anything you want. You're not allowed to leave the circle or use props or anything. You just, it's just you and you are whatever it's, you're gonna do. But you are completely free to do anything you want. don't hurt anyone, don't, you know, don't physically touch anyone. But within the circle you are free to do whatever you want. And it's just two minutes of freedom in this circle. And you just get up when you feel like it and the stopwatch will start and once two minutes are up, we'll all cheer. And it's such a brilliant exercise because. You know, you've probably sat there and started doing this already. What would you do? You start planning it. Now that thing that's planning it that you get kind of excited about, you feel the juice, you feel the juice of it inside of you, that's your able, that's doing, that your able is and, and your thinking, your cane has engaged able to do that.'cause there's no way Kane's letting you get up without having planned something. Cain's like, fuck, what am I gonna do? Oh my God. Well, I'm not going first because I dunno what anyone else is gonna do. I mean, what do you mean freedom? Like, you gonna get up and take all your clothes off and finger yourself? I mean, well, I don't know what you're gonna do. Um, I'm gonna wait and see what someone else is gonna do and then based on that I'll try and do something better. Um, I'm thinking maybe, you know, I'm really good at singing that song and like, oh, I've got that little like standup comedy skill that I've got. I can, you're imagining it all and all the juices being used up with your ableness in your head rather than outwardly in the circle. And then when you do get up and you start having your go. Because it's coming from a place of thinking, you'll do it really fast. Like if you've ever, been in a workshop with kids doing drama, they'll always do this. They'll have something planned and they'll do it really quickly because your thinking is extremely fast. It doesn't leave space for atmosphere to land or archetypes to, I mean, for anything archetypal to happen, which is for an audience member, that's where the real juice of a play is when you watch a play that's good. There was some point where they gave space for the atmosphere and the archetype and the emotion to fully land. And if you're not giving space for that, then it's just all in the thinking. It's all caught up in thinking. So the access to doing this exercise and not just getting up as cane, leaving cane in the seat is to not plan what you're doing. Which is terrifying, that actually it's a bit like doing a bungee jump or something. It's really exciting. Get up without anything planned. Now what will often happen is you'll just go blank, be white noise. Ignore that again.'cause that's your thinking malfunctioning. Like just, that's fine. Let Kane do that. So what you do is you just start doing a movement, like wiggle your finger, wiggle your finger, and they start wiggling your other finger. And then those fingers can keep wiggling and wiggling and they start wiggling out. And then suddenly you find that you are doing some kind of a dance and maybe that makes you find a character or maybe it finds some way of connecting with the audience where they start wiggling and dancing with you. And maybe you boop, the on the nose, which I mean, you're not meant to touch'em, but you could just do it. Beep on the nose, do it, boop on the nose, and be like, oh, oh, where's the boot monster? Did anyone see that? Oh my God. He might be under your seat. Oh, it's the boop monster. He's out. He's escaped. Oh. Hello. Oh, I've been, I've been trapped for many, many years, but now I'm surrounded by little noses, so many noses, and I can't wait to book them all quick. Oh, cover your nose. He's out there. He's gonna get us. I might just be the boot monster now, but once when I had more attention and fear fed towards me, I was actually the monster that lived under your bed. But because everyone's imaginations are so squeezed dry and tight, I've become nothing more than a weak and feeble boop monster. Now, now that you are engaging your amazing tiny little imaginations, maybe they're going to grow and develop and imagine things far worse. Well, once they used to imagine hell with demons and be lb, and I was the great, I had clove and hooves and burnt wings and horns, and people fared me far and why. But now, now I am just in it. So that was completely a blipped. I didn't know I was gonna do that. That came from me wiggling my finger. And so that's where. that's where it will go. So you let the movement lead and it takes you to something and it lets you go off into your imagination. And it's exciting because I didn't know I was gonna do that. And it's always fun to surprise yourself when you've got it pre-planned. That's kind of, you know, boring. And also you'll just do it from a thinking shallow place. There won't be room for anything to really develop. And that's the joy of fooling and that is working with your twin. So let's pull a room. If you enjoy this podcast, then please consider supporting me on Patreon, which is patreon.com/daily Ray. I have, developed some followers and supporters who are helping me and it's making a huge difference. So I wanna say a big, big thank you to everyone who is donating each month to keep this podcast going and to support me with the work that I'm doing. Honestly, especially through the times that I've been going through recently. It means so much to me and I desperately would love this to develop and grow because it wouldn't take much. I was thinking how few people it would take for me to cover how little I earn. It'd be nice if that was like something I could just do a shift or two a week and that would be, you know, sort of getting me outta the house, really paid to socialize, which is great.'cause in a way I kind of need something to make me do that'cause I could very easily herm it and just write and create and do fun things in the house'cause I have got a really deep relationship with my inner world and my twin, I can literally spend all day. Playing with, playing with myself. I mean, I could literally do that all day long, but it's good to get me outta the house and actually having something that forces me to go out, every week is not a bad thing. And I really enjoy the people I work with and I love. Talking and connecting with everyone at work, and it's a lovely thing. It's blooming hard work, especially now in the season. Yesterday was, a busy, busy Sunday and I was on all day on my own. it's hard work. It's, and I'm not getting any younger, so it does take a quite a toll on my body. But just the thing is with, I love doing the government, which I do for free. I love doing all of the work that I do, like the moon ceremonies and stuff, which I do for free, and the articles, which I do for free, and the writing books, which, you know, you get like maybe a hundred or quid from like, it's nothing. Literally nothing. I love doing all of these things. I love doing the government because it's so interesting and I feel like the most important work that I've done of late has been fighting for and supporting and looking after this community Helping develop and celebrate this community. And I feel like it's such important work in the world. I feel like it's my microcosm in the macro and I feel like I'm victorious over the fight that I had recently with the tendrils of Trump ness in my reality. we won. And that was exciting and that just felt like such a victory. Well, bloody darn us. And yeah, just, I want to do it. I want to do it all. It's interesting. I've learned so much about myself in these last few years, I feel like I've gone to university and done a PhD or a Master's in whatever this thing is, life in life. I've learned so many things about myself and you know, I feel like I. Know where my limitations are and where my uniqueness is in ways that I didn't know before. my capacity for having to put on big girl pants and deal with things that awkward conversations and difficult decisions, like I've literally been forced, my face has been forced to the millstone and it's just been like, oh my God. I can't get away from how difficult this situation is, but I'm facing it and I'm doing it, and it's fascinating and I'm learning all sorts of things as I do it. The problem is, is when I can't then eat at the end of the week, and I'm also owning that being poor is actually a really big part of who I am. Like I have a moral high ground over all of the people that I interact with here in the community who are richer than me because I'm, I'm like bottom of the pile. And it means that I can punch up, I can punch up all day long. They can't punch down. If they punch down, they looked like dicks and. Yeah, I, and also how free I am. So I've been meditating recently with the, affirmation meditations of, I'm Free, I'm loved, I am, safe, and I am at peace. And all of those things. I was so, caught up and crunched up inside that, that was just making me cry at first when I was, saying that. But now it's, I have soothed my way through that. And I was thinking today about all the ways that I'm free, and part of the way that I'm free is I have no debt whatsoever. Literally none. I don't have credit cards or overdrafts. I don't have a mortgage. I haven't, I don't own a house. I don't own anything of any worth of value, and I don't have children. And so I'm not in any way, held or, Imprisoned by any of the trappings of capitalism. Like I don't have any stuff that I care about. the only things I care about are my relationships and my inner world. That's literally it. So the people that I love and my creativity are the only things that I care about. Everything else is just stuff, and it can go. If someone needs to come and take it all the away from me, they're more than welcome to. it is part of the reason why I was able to float my way over to SARC when the shit hit the fan in the pandemic was because I was like, well, I'm not held by anything. There's nothing. There's no attachment that keeps me attached to the reality that we fabricated, and that is real freedom. There's something about that that I'm like, this is actually really key to who I am. I do not need enough money. I mean, I just need enough money to eat. I do not need to be rich and famous. I do not need loads of money. It would actually be counterproductive for the fight that I'm fighting and the work that I'm doing. I just wanna be able to like, I would like to be able to go on holiday and go, you know, like I was talking about, how someone was talking about Vietnam and I was like, oh, I've always wanted to go to Vietnam and I currently feel so incapable and, so out of the question that I could go to Vietnam, like it, that was a real shock because up until now, up until really literally this year or last, like it started last year, I've always sort of had some kind of freedom to do that. And my happiness used to be based on whether I had an Airbnb booked. You know, I even remember consciously thinking about it. It's like I always need to have the next Airbnb booked.'cause it meant that I was going away traveling or going on holiday. And now that's so not part of my reality because I'm so much poorer than I'd ever been. But that's because everything's got so much more expensive. And you know, I know that we are all feeling that this isn't a private, personal thing. We are all feeling it. The money that I've earning, doing the work that I do three years ago went a lot further. Three years ago, we could go on holiday and we could do things. Now everything's got so expensive that it just sort of feels more and more like a trap. And I'm assuming probably everyone feels like that. And, yeah, so I know times are hard and so if you can't afford to support me, totally get it. if you are able to share my work and try and get more people listening, then that will help. But literally, you know, if I had a thousand listeners paying a pound each, that would be enough. That's more than enough for me to be able to, you know, live the life that I want to live comfortably. That's, that's all I need. you know, I'm not asking to be. Jet setting around the place all the time. It's just enough to like not do all this work and then at the end of the week be crying because I can't eat.'cause that's the thing that's frustrating. when you literally are running from one thing to the next, like a headless chicken and then I can't buy a portion of chips or whatever, there are regularly points where I literally can't, I've got nothing in the account and I can't do anything. so that's all it is. so the Patreon is three pound a month for the basic tier, which is just supporting me. And then for nine pound a month, you get the videos of the podcasts if you're able to support me, that'd be amazing. just to let you know, I've got a kooky club coming up on the 19th of June. I'm really excited about who I'm interviewing. shout out to you'cause I know you're a listener. I'm not allowed to say Ho'cause is a secret guest, but that is gonna be brilliant. look up kooky events and Google Kooky Secret Tea Club. There'll be a new date up tickets are available for the 19th of June. That'll be somewhere secret in Guernsey. And it's all very exciting. There's a lot going on in the world of Kki, which is very, very exciting. And I can't wait for it all to unfold and got moon ceremony tonight. But you won't, you know, this will already, this will be, that will be in the past. but I have my moon ceremonies and you are always welcome to come to them if you've never been to one. They're very, very inclusive and not scary. It is the best thing I've ever done on Zem. It lends itself really well to Zem. I I don't, I've not experienced any actually, Nessie Gomez's, uh, workshop worked really well on zm, but, but these mean ceremonies work so well. Someone orchestrating and like chairing the, evening and us just reflecting on the energetics of the moon. We are not doing anything mad and weird and wacky. It's almost like an arts club, but with the magic of the moon as the wash that we are working with. So if it's been something you've sort of been interested in, but being a bit nervous about, I just urge you to come. Like literally, you just have to click on the link and come and it's beautiful and wonderful and there's a lovely group of people that come regularly and then there's others that dip in and out. And yeah, highly recommend it. So if it's something that's sort of tickled your fancy but you haven't yet done, then I urge you to give it a go. And how on with the show? Okay, let's see what we are gonna talk about today. So what the universe wants us to explore, the wheel of the air. Okay, so the wheel of the year. So this is the cartwheel and this is about this two shall pass, which actually is kind of useful for where I've been at and what I've been feeling. It has been a really difficult time lately and I'm in a much better place today. Yesterday, last night I was really not okay. I was aware that my cycle of my menstrual cycle means that I'm in the pre-menstrual moment where I'm not in a good place. Like it does affect my psychology quite a lot, my mental health, quite a lot. yeah, I get more. P-M-S-P-M-T, whatever you call it. Then I do period pains and things like that. I've been, I'm actually really lucky with my cycle'cause it's short and sweet I'd say. And although it's annoying'cause it means that I get more periods a year. I also get more ovulations a year. So I think you know's taking them off of the smooth. But it's useful for this to nudge me to remember that this too shall pass.'cause it's, it's about the seasons and cycles and things moving. We actually pulled, that was the card that we pulled. I talked about it last week with sisterhood. Uh, we did this amazing rehearsal where we used my, it was Coco who was playing the young girl. Kitty. Kitty, I think her name was in, in the book and in the play. Our names don't get said in the play, but I think it was Kitty. And then in the book that I wrote afterwards, it was Kitty. So that was Cara's part that was improvised. But then Coco performed her she had this tarot deck that she brought to a rehearsal and we all pulled cards for our characters and they were extremely insightful. they added a different layer to what we were doing. It was a really good performance technique. If you're ever rehearsing a play, I do recommend putting a card for your characters once they're like, we were fully embedded in, this was like one of the last things we did before we went off on tour. So, interesting. And then, and then all the way along, I hadn't known what I wanted to say to Matthew Hopkins. I knew that we were doing this tour, going to all the places where he'd beam, and I knew we were gonna be at his birthplace at Halloween where his grave was on the full moon at Halloween. And I was like, you know, in my head imagining us screaming and shouting and wailing at this grave and just being like, fuck yeah. You know, again. Envisaging and creating an enemy and other, a separation, a split where we are like putting it all over there and it's not us. And just, you know, putting all this anger and fury at this thing as, as an other. And it wasn't quite, I was just like, God isn't, it wasn't quite speaking to me and inspiring me. It felt a bit like it was gonna be clunky and embarrassing or whatever. Like, I just was like, this isn't it, this isn't hitting the emotional gong. And then, it was suggested when we did the, cards for our characters, it was like, shall we pull a card from Matthew Hopkins? and we pulled the wheel of Fortune card. in this particular deck. It was a circle at a cartwheel. And then in between each spoke there were women. the spokes at the bottom had these three women with long dark hair in blue, and it was all blue and dark and they were in despair. And it looked like three women who'd been accused of witchcraft. And then it went round to these women at the top who were these three women with their arms in the air who were like full of power and confidence. And they were golden and yellow and glowing. And it was like, oh yeah, this too shall pass. Whatever's happening, this too shall pass. But also it was right at the beginning of, the throw of the she is rising and the feminine rising and this surge of feminine power that's been very much coming from the spiritual world of late. You know, in the face of toxic masculinity and the term toxic masculinity and everything was all just coming out. And it was right at that moment. And it was like, no matter what's going on in the world, and no matter what tyrants there are, they too shall pass. It all shall pass. And there are cycles within cycles because these guys have come into power, but also we as women are coming into power. And yes, there was a Matthew Hopkins, but he's dead now. He's dead and gone. Tuberculosis mother nature took him and killed him and he was discredited and humiliated and, and he's gone. You know, they won't last forever. I mean, yeah, right. I was saying that, you know, Trump might be downloaded into an ai, but even that at some point will malfunction or get hacked or whatever, like it will all pass. And that was just a real inspiration. Our thing that we were saying to Matthew Hopkins and about Matthew Hopkins was just to forgive and forget him. And like I say, at one point when we did that and we were saying it in the performance, there was a huge crack of thunder and, and it literally as I said it and everyone in the audience was like, oh, you know, so it obviously like annoyed him, which is great. So how to forgive and forget and move on. And that is coming full circle, like the Cartwheel round two. What led me onto all of this?'cause I was really, yeah. Yesterday I was fracked with guilt and also anger and upset and all the things that I feel. There are so many things that I feel about everything that's happened lately and I'm angry with people and I do blame people And at the same time, they are human beings. And I must also and want to. Connect with my compassion and my love and my understanding and my openness and my listening because I wasn't feeling good in myself, not including those in the mix and just being finger pointy and angry and, you know, othering and separating to bring everything back, to bring everything back to myself and yeah, this too shall pass. And it is all a circle and cycles and it's all just a mad bunch of stuff that's happening and, to enjoy the ride. Yeah, this was actually one of the, rings on the pilgrimages as well. The cartwell. This was the start of the. Cop 26 pilgrimage. And it was interesting'cause when we arrived in the Isle of White where this was the beginning run and that's where I was gonna put it. I put it in the dragon's nostril on the edge of the isle of white at the start of the spine of Albion where the Ellen and Bellinus lines crossed. And I put this run there and it was funny'cause when we arrived there was a motorbike festival going on. So there were millions of wheels everywhere, which is just an interesting extra thing about this ring. And that was, to indicate the beginning of a journey.'cause it can literally mean the wheel and a journey as well. And we're always on a journey. There's always the beginning of a journey. It's the eternal great beginning. And so let's journey fearlessly into the unknown and do it with love and compassion and kindness in our hearts. so that was the rumination. And now for our Chaos Crusade. This week's Chaos Crusade is an invitation to connect more with your able and, silence a little, the Cain aspect.'cause in Gemini season it's very easy to get overwhelmed with thinking and short attention spans and distractions. There is something that I would recommend doing. So if you're not doing the Witch Fool you course, then a little course you can do off your own back is the Artist's way. I have recommended this before on the podcast, but as time goes on, I'm gonna keep recommending things because they're cyclical, at certain times of the year, it's good to work with certain things. This being one of them. In Gemini season, I reengage with the morning pages, which is an exercise from the Artist's way. If you haven't done the artist's way before, it's a good time to do it because it's about engaging with your able and there's lots of exercises in it to support you with that. In the artist way, it talks about writing morning pages, which is an exercise you do in the morning where you just write three pages and it's literally about emptying your brain. Like of all of the negative stuff, it's, they're not for rereading, they're not for being good and brilliant and perfect. It's for emptying your brain of the dross and the dirt and the, the nasty stuff. So they're not gonna be nice. A lot of people burn them or whatever, and I don't do them all year round. I only do them during Gemini season. So it's a, it's a good practice. You know, in Pisces season, I write my dreams and I always, generally, I write my diary at night.'cause I like to write down everything that happened that day and kind of my process or what I've learned that day. So it's my, it's called a mirror book when it's an evening. But where you are, you are doing a reflection and reflecting back on the day. And I prefer that. I tried doing morning pages for a while. My journal and diary has gone through many phases depending on what cult or movement I happen to be in at the time. sometimes it's been cartoons and poems. Sometimes it's been morning pages, sometimes it's been landmark education. It is currently that I write my diary in the evening and it's a reflection, which sort of my default that I normally go back to. But I'm gonna add in morning pages at the moment. The reason why I don't do them all the time is because I can't keep doing all the practices that I do. Like I can't do yoga and do my morning practice of yoga and meditation and go swimming and go out while swimming in the sunshine. I haven't got time to do all of them and I haven't got time to do them and do morning pages. I have to kind of pick and choose and some things are more important than others at different points. So, as the sun's come out recently, I need to get my fitness levels back up because I didn't go on a pilgrimage last year and so make the most of the sunshine and the swimming. So I've been going out swimming, recently been feeling a bit stiff'cause I haven't been doing yoga of late. So then recently I've been doing yoga again and doing my yoga meditation practice also.'cause my brain had got a bit busy and so now having noticed that my brain was busy doing the morning pages is a really useful added tool that's worth me doing at the moment. You literally just write three pages. Doesn't matter the size, it's whatever book you've got. You just write three pages really quick without thinking and just clear your brain out of all the dross. And then another exercise is to go on an artist date. So once a week, go on an artist date, and that is going to a gallery and looking at art or going to a stationary shop and buying stationery. It's something that's being curious and open and just doing something for the fun of it, not thinking about it, it not being a thinking thing. You leave cane alone and you go on a date with your artist, with your fool, with your twisted swim. And so that can be going for a walk in nature where you haven't planned, where you're gonna go, and you just follow, you follow the birds, there's loads of things that we've put in this podcast as chaos crusades that you could use as inspiration for, I don't know, following the geology or the architecture or road signs and looking at fonts or looking for a color. You can pick a color and go out and look for where that color is and follow the color. Literally let the universe lead. Let your twin and inner world lead. so that's the morning pages and the artist state that both come from the artist's way. And then, the other one is gratitude lists. Now this is something that will just be useful for me. If you are in a negative place and you're feeling a bit crap, the writing gratitude list is another great exercise. So get up in the morning, do your morning pages. Maybe one of those pages could be a gratitude list. So like do two pages of getting rid of whatever, and then do a list of things you're grateful for. Because the more you are grateful, the less you're negative. And it's just to remember all the things that you are lucky to be experiencing right now and that make life worth living. And I need a bit of that'cause I've been feeling so negative and getting into negative leaps. I need a bit of that. So they're just things that I know I would find really useful at the moment. So thank you ever so much. That's, everything for today. Next week I'm gonna be sharing an interview with my friend Naomi, who is a fool, but from a different lineage to my lineage of fooling, which is with Jonathan K. so it'd be interesting to just hear a different take on falling from another perspective. So I'll share that with you next week, and until then, I shall see the anon.