#11 Raising the Frequency

This week I explore the turning of the season from summer into autumn, and how this is a time to mulch over what intentions you set for yourself this year, picking through what you’ve learnt and feeling gratitude for all that you’ve harvested from these experiences and insights. 

I talk about how my intentions for this year were to explore the ‘Mythos of Love’ and where that adventure took me, along with tightening my professionalism and being a bit less of a ‘cowboy’. 

The rune I pulled this week is extra special and reflected perfectly that this is the 11th episode and, in numerology, the highest frequency number there is. 

I mention in the podcast that I’m running a residential immersion weekend in Sark for Samhain and that you can find out more information on this by following me on social media. You can get in touch with me on Instagram @kriyaarts or the Nonsense in the Chaos Page on Facebook. I also talk about a book called 'The Artist’s Way' by Julia Cameron. 

The music and artwork is by @moxmoxmoxiemox

Nonsense in the Chaos is available on all podcast platforms. Please like, follow, and review. Also, please consider supporting the podcast by becoming a patron on my Patreon page... patreon.com/JolieRose.

Hope you enjoy listening to this week's episode!

Transcript

0:02

The mountains and the caves. Wicked witches. Crusting the unknown. Um, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Welcome to the Nonsense in the Chaos. This is Jolie Rose. It's getting cold, isn't it? The weather has taken a turn and it's freezing outside and I'm starting to think about lighting the fire and putting the heating on. I'm hoping that we're going to get another little summer snap, that would be nice, just to, because it feels like that was a short summer, doesn't it? It was late to get going and then It's been over very quickly. I'm normally on a pilgrimage at this time of year so September is normally when I leave and go walking for seven weeks, walking 500 miles and if ever there was a year to not be doing it, so far I'm glad it's this one because this is not fun camping and walking weather and it looks like it's going to be like this for a while so yeah, I'm glad that Last four years that I've walked, September has ended up being glorious after a really cold, wet August. So maybe we just had our nice weather earlier, although it felt short. So we are, this is the 11th episode, which is exciting. 11 is one of my favourite numbers. Every time Dizzle and I, my partner and I see that, the numbers 11, 11 are on the clock, we stop and hold hands and imagine, what we want if we could have anything, imagine what we would like to create the world to be like. And we do this because 11 is the number in numerology of, frequency of vibration. It's the highest number. So all the other numbers are in 11 and it's the number of if you were going to vibrate this reality, into a new one, like I talked about with Dennis last week. Then the number 11 is the number in which you can, it's the energy field that you can do that with him. So I, yeah, I like the number 11. So it feels like this is a special number for us to be working with. And for this to be the 11th episode means, who knows what might be possible something magical might happen. Let's see what happens. So we have autumn thick and fast coming in towards us. It's got cold and wet and windy and it's horrible out there. In fact, you can probably hear the wind. There is a bit of background noise of the wind drumming against the house. The island is an amazing place to be in winter. In case you don't know, if you're a new listener, I live on a tiny island called Sark in the Channel Islands, and it's only one mile wide and three miles long, so we do get bombarded by the weather. People think that it must be an ordeal living here over the winter months, but actually we all prefer it. Pretty much everyone who lives here, you'd ask, says that they actually feel like they live here. In the winter, whereas in the summer, we're just firefighting. We're just as tourists and people visiting and us all juggling a million different jobs to try and earn enough money over the summer to survive the winter months. And in winter, it's just us. We have the whole island to ourselves. And it's when we actually see each other. And it's when the actual life of living here happens. And that definitely started this week. On Friday night all the locals got absolutely hammered at the pub where I work. I work at the Mermaid Tavern. And yeah, Friday night was the first night. Because people come over here as tourists and they get drunk. But it is nothing compared to what the locals manage. And I think it's because with the locals, we all know, like the bar staff know. what they're capable of handling. Whereas with tourists, they're an unknown quantity. So if someone, and also you just, you behave better even when people are being drunk and, are on stag do's and stuff, you still, yeah, they get away with less. And I think actually try on less. Then people who are from here who we see every week and we know how much they can drink and yeah We basically have to just make them a coffee and you know you can't try and chuck them out half of them like their parents or grandparents own the land that the pubs or nor, there's all they've worked there or their auntie was the landlady who owned it for 20 years or right? Yeah, everyone feels like it's their pub And that they have some, they have more of a right over it than I do, who's only been living here for a few years. Yeah it's our pub, and it's all the locals that are treating it like their living room once it gets to winter. And, we're also heading towards an eclipse season, we're technically, we're in it now. this eclipse season, it starts, The first lunar eclipse is the forthcoming full moon, which is next week on Tuesday night, and it's going to be an eclipse in Pisces. So we are at the moment in an interesting point in time because Pluto has just gone retrograde back into Capricorn, where it's been for the last 20 years. And it's the last retrograde. Before it then goes into Aquarius solidly for the next 20 years. And the last time it was in Aquarius we had the French Industrial and American Revolutions. And it is the sign of revolution Aquarius. It's the sign of a collective and is very important. entrepreneurial, innovative, it is about renewing and changing things and throwing everything in the air and doing it all differently, which is in contrast to Capricorn, which we've just been in for the last 20 years, which is very much authority and institutions and tradition. So I invite you to have a little evaluation and think about what you've done over the last 20 years and taking stock, especially now in this eclipse season. eclipse in Pisces is going to be very, dreamy. You'll probably be having lots of weird dreams And the last, dark moon was in Virgo, which is the sign of organisation. And, there's a reason why the signs are the time of year they are. So Virgo is at the point of the last harvest, so you're taking stock of what you have achieved. Making your plans for the future, like how much food have you got to last the winter? What's your budget? Like, how are you going to survive? And Virgo is very much about organizing. And so for the Dark Moon ceremony that we just had, we went through what we, what have we done? Where are we heading? What is it that we want to be moving towards? But what, taking stock of what we've achieved And then I was also talking about the last 20 years when I was doing that, it's like, what have the 20 years been about? And for me, it's interesting because Capricorn is very much about authority and tradition, but I spent 20 years living in Brighton. And that would be the main, the overall wash of what I've done in the last 20 years was live in a very, outside of normality and outside of authority. life for 20 years where, it was the most liberal, free, like the police even, way more relaxed there than they are in other places. it's generally a more relaxed vibe in Brighton and spent 20 years being an anarchist and, just very much not respecting The reality that lived elsewhere in the UK, but then also forged a career in the arts, which I was able to do because it was a different time. Squatting was legal, so I squatted when I first moved to Brighton. I was squatting and I squatted in Berlin for a little bit, and that meant that I was able to get off the ground as an artist because I didn't have to pay the big bill of rent. We lived in amazing places. In fact, I will be doing a podcast about one of my guardian angels, who is, a very special lady's house. I squatted in Brighton and, whose name was Anne, and she is Like there's a picture of her looking down at me now of her as a little girl. She's a really special person in my life and has caused me to go off and do all sorts of things. Possibly in the next podcast, that's me on my own, I'll talk about Anne and go into her story. And actually I'm friends with her daughter and I would love to interview her daughter, Nikki, and get her to chat. Thank you. Because, she's got an interesting story and Anne's story is amazing. And yeah, so I squatted her house and all her belongings were still in the house. And that was just amazing for me because I love history and I love ordinary people's stories, especially. And to find this time capsule was just like a dream come true. And all of her stuff I loved. And I felt like me and her were kindred spirits and soul connected. And Yeah, she took me on a whole journey. So yeah, that's a whole other podcast. But, She was a squatter and, I was, she would have loved the fact that I was squatting her house and it had been empty all that time. And so that meant that I was able to, get off the ground as an artist, take risks, which is what you need when you're learning to be an artist. You need to fail. You need to fail and fail and fail till it no longer matters if you're failing and you actually see them as just part of the process. And that is what I would say the last 20 years has taught me in general is. to take everything as a lesson, as a learning. So I've said this, I think already on the podcast, but I want to unpack it a bit is that I believe that the only thing that we have control over is what we make things mean. I think everything else is chaos. That's why the nonsense and the chaos and what I've learned in the last 20 years is to be comfortable with being and being nonsense in chaos because I was a control freak and it's still there. Like I tend to say no before I say yes, because I want, I need to find it on my own terms or yeah, I need to have a moment to feel into it before I can say yes. But yeah, I was a control freak. who had six year life plans and then a three year and then a two year, then a one year and then a six month. And, yeah, I dreamed big and had huge ambitions and all of these things were useful to dismantle because you end up with a postcard of what you think you want the future to look like or what you think success looks like and you have it hanging in front of your face and behind it there's unicorns and waterfalls and butterflies and the man of your dreams and all these amazing things and you're not seeing them because you're too fixated on some image that you've created that you've stuck in front of your face and so ripping up that postcard and throwing that away was a huge turning point in my life and then realizing that everything that crosses your path is a lesson The difficult things that happen are sent to teach you, the failings are to make you better, to improve you, to develop you, and even enemies. Realizing that we're all one and that we are a being with millions of fingers, who's got loads of finger puppets on the fingers and is just lying back doing a little EastEnders play to himself, their self, because they're and Every now and then it catches itself and laughs, and then it goes back to doing it, and it's yeah, and it's very important, and I'm going to fight this war, and I'm in love with you, and I don't like you, and you're a blah, blah, blah. But we're all one. We are actually all just this one being entertaining itself. And even when someone really annoys you or winds you up, or is a thorn in your side, they're actually there. To teach you something and trigger something and it doesn't mean necessarily that you have to like, therefore keep them in your life. It could be that they're there to teach you boundaries and that's an important lesson but once that lesson's been learned, doesn't mean that person has to be banished from your life forever. It might just be that was what was needed at that moment in time, but you learned it. And then if universe brings them back into you, if, fate or whatever brings them back across your path, you don't necessarily have to dismiss them again or hold any grudge or, you don't need to keep that fire alive. You just, you learned that lesson and it's fine. And, I actually had that with the person who going to be interviewing next on the podcast, they were someone who. We had a huge falling out, through fooling many years ago in 2000, I don't know when it was eight or nine or something, long time ago. And, it meant that we, I banished them from my life for a good long time. And I jokingly called them my enemy because within fooling, We learned that enemy was just a mask that you put on someone in the same way as you do with lover or best friend or mother. Like your version of your mother is a mask that you carry around of what mother is. But the person who is your mother is also someone's lover and is also like the girl who got away and is someone's best friend and is the naughty person that someone knows. There are lots of different versions of your mother. that makes them a full human being that you aren't paying attention to or isn't part of your reality of who they are. The more you, so we would work in a circle together in the fooling and you'd have someone who was just driving you crazy and Jonathan would call them the bad fairy, you'd have a bad fairy and they'd be winding you up all year. And then they might leave and then the dynamics would shift around and then someone else would become the bad fairy. And it might be someone who'd been there before, but what you then came to realize was there was always a bad fairy. Like you, there will always be a bad fairy. We actually have this at the moment in chief police, which is the government here on Sark, which I'm part of. There's someone who's very much the bad fairy. And I keep saying I don't have a problem with a bad fairy because if that bad fairy goes, then we will just end up with another one, like one of us will become a bad fairy. They are part of the mix. It's about what they teach you, what you can learn from them. And it might be you need to learn to stand up to them, or it might be that you need to learn to, I don't know, whatever it is, like everyone's sent to you for a different reason. The person that I am interviewing next week, Joanne, who's a really special friend of mine, Joanne Chamarco. She's been in my life since early 2000s. And we ended up doing a bit of work on archetypes together. And we were able to give each other amazing insights because we'd really gone to our dark places in front of each other and with each other. And we'd had a huge falling out. When we came back together again and the universe brought us back together we were almost more like sisters than we were friends, because you don't tend to argue with people that much. I don't personally. And so to actually argue and fall out with someone and she was, she had issues with me. I had issues with her. For us to go there with each other meant that we know each other in a way that's far more intimate. And actually, again, this is something I've noticed on the island that's really annoying. But also, it is what I'm saying here is that there are people who are in chief police or in the concierge, And some of the concierge, which is obviously going to happen, fall out with each other. And the thing that I've noticed is, as someone who generally doesn't fall out with People falling out with each other always end up becoming better friends And that's really annoying when you're like one of the people that doesn't fall out of people because you're like, oh, hang on I'm, just being nice the whole time And that means that I end up being less close to people because the people who argue with each other and have these huge bust ups, when they make up, they are close on a deeper level. So it's just an interesting thing to observe that. And also like in theatre and fooling, if there's a structure that we use because we're improvising, so we create improvisations based on conversations we have with the audience. there's an architecture from the conversations that you take that you then build a scene and then you step into it and you capitulate, you surrender, and you step into a scene and you start performing. Each of the steps in that architecture are intrinsic and if you miss one of them then when you get into the scene that you've created you realize that an element's missing. And one of them is speculation. if you forget to put the speculation in, then when you get into the scene you realize there's no conflict there. And if there's no conflict in the scene then nothing happens. And so off the back of fooling, not only from working with bad fairies and realising that there's always a bad fairy there, so actually it's just your mask that you're carrying around with you, in which case you can learn to perform that mask and take it back to yourself, take ownership of it, that actually that's your bad fairy mask that you put on people and it doesn't actually matter about the human being. And like with Joanne, it was really good for me to get to know her, As a person, aside from the mask, because she's one of the most generous, kind, humble people I've ever met, and is, yeah, just a giver. She's a giving human being. But also the, the conflict is what makes the world go round. If you don't have conflict, then nothing happens. And it's yin and yang. It's the dance. You need there to be, if it was just all white or all black, then, Nothing would have happened. We wouldn't have evolved. Life wouldn't have existed. All of this exists. Everything happens because of conflict. A diamond is made out of intense pressure. A diamond is pressure. A pearl is from irritation within the oyster. Like the magic and the valuable things that come from, Something slightly conflicting with something else and then things happen. So it's learning to not, see conflict or enemies as bad, that actually they're all part of the lesson. They're all part of the process and they're all part of your evolution and, opportunities adventures and just experiences like failing. All of these things are part of who we are. And that for me was what the last 20 years has taught me more than anything has been to relax with all of that. And now it the next 20 years I'm interested in, something else So rather than the stress of life or trying to get my head around life or trying to, Be a human and, fit into whatever, trying to figure it out. Cause no one knows what's going on, do they? And so you spend the first chunk of your life, trying to work out what you're meant to be doing and who you are and where you fit into the world and all those things. Now I'm like, okay. What can I make this world do? And I don't mean I don't mean, Oh, I just want to be successful in the game that exists. What if we can, what can we actually imagine into existence? What is possible and how can I stretch my imagination to be more exciting and part of it. It's working with the universe. And that's why I do the things that I do with this podcast and I'm really enjoying how it's going. It's surprising me. And so that's what I mean about working with the universe. The more you, or for me, the more I add in an element of chance and of, spontaneity and the universe getting involved, the more exciting and interesting. It becomes because as much as I think I'm amazing and imaginative and blah, blah. And I have got more creative and imaginative over the years. It is a muscle you have to train it, but it also means just like learning an instrument or lifting weights, it's something you can do it. Anyone can, we're all creative. So it's a repetitive exercising thing to develop your imagination. And it's through things like it's being very gentle with yourself for a start. But through things like doing workshops, putting yourself out there, not being scared to fail, keep doing things no matter how embarrassing it is. Do the writing workshop, do the creative thing. Go and explore, go to the art gallery, like just keep, read the poetry, do the things that inspire you and tickle you and get your creative juices flowing and don't worry about doing it badly. That has to just be taken out of the equation. these are all things that we can do and asking the universe to join in and be part of it is the thing that makes it most exciting because I want to imagine some mad, amazing, better world, but I'm limited on what I can come up with. Seeing everyone as an external hard drive rather than competition. So there are people out there who have done the exploration and have got a different brain to me and have thought of things and are doing things that I find really inspiring. And rather than trying to gather or hoard or own they exist and they're doing it for me. It's this beautiful thing. this being with all the fingers on the finger puppets on the fingers they're, we're all one. So it's great that they're doing that. And it's great that they do. We can't do all the things. So I'm loving the fact that they are doing it, but also the universe and chance and chaos will also influence what's going on. So the more I create opportunities for the chaos to get in the better. And that's what makes my nonsense so nonsensical and magical and interesting is because it's not just me doing it. I'm allowing space for the unknown and just whatever that thing is that's out there, just letting the unknown in. So on that, I am going to pull a rune. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I'm going to Talk to you about subscription. So I do this podcast now every week and it does take up a lot of time, especially because my internet is rubbish I have been able to invest in a Starlink link up, which is amazing. And that is because of Patreon supporters supporting me. So I thank you so much for doing that because it's made my life so much easier. it still hasn't arrived. like over a week ago, and it's still not here because I live on an island in the middle of nowhere, but yeah, I've been having to go to my friend's house to upload and download the podcast and it's being laborious. It really has. So I really appreciate people supporting me and making that possible. But I also would like to be able to, do all sorts of other things like, improve my sound equipment And also for this to be my full time job, that's what I would love to happen and to be able to survive and live from doing this because this is one of the elements of being able to live as an artist in the middle of nowhere. It's because I can use the internet to reach people. But I also I'm doing an immersion weekend, which is, You're all invited to, and that's going to be the last weekend in October. So it's for Samhain, Samhain is on the Thursday, I think it is. And then it's that weekend. So It runs over into November slightly. And we will be having a gorgeous, delicious, full immersion in witchy magic. And just the nourishment of this time of year. Because it is the time of year to just mulch. That's how I feel. Is that you do all the things over the summer. And you learn all the things and create the intentions that you set in the spring and then this is the time to mulch it over and get yourself ready for whatever's to come next cherishing and giving gratitude for what's happened and what you did for All the efforts that you've put in and what you've learned and how you've grown. And take stock of all of it. And then also watching the land go into that place and then the ancestors as well. And the veil thinning and feeling yourself within that context of the foam at the top of all that grief, all that sadness, all those. past people, they're all gone, all of that death, and you're the foam at the top that's alive, and you're the hopes and dreams and ambitions of all those dead people, and they're all rooting for you, and they're all so proud of you, and you're there just living all of the things that they created and wanted to happen, all the freedoms, and all the choices that you now have that they've made possible for you. And, it's an amazing time of year and I love it. And, we get to stay in the chill in. which is a gorgeous, guest house here run by a lovely lady. And it's just extremely cozy and comfortable and we eat delicious food and we go out into nature and we have lovely experiences and we make runes and we activate them and I teach you how to divine with them. Yeah, it's just a very delicious time. So if you'd like to find out more information about that, then you can follow me on Instagram or on Facebook. Both are CreaArts which is K R A I Y A R T S, but I'll also put that in the notes. And then if you want to support me on Patreon, then it's www. patreon. com forward slash Jolie Rose, J O L I E R O S E. Again, I'll put those in the notes, but it just makes such a difference. And it only needs to be a few pounds a month, like anything helps. And you get extra content. And if you can't afford to. Support me in that way. And then it doesn't matter. That's not a problem. If you can like and subscribe and share my podcast and rate and review it and all those things, that's also really useful. It helps with the algorithm. So thank you. And back to the show. Okay. I'm going to pull a room and this is letting the chaos in the universe lead on an 11th episode. It's that one. Ah, of course it is. It's ing, which is the seed ah, that's lovely. It's my ring. That couldn't, that just couldn't be more perfect. I felt like tonight was going to be a bit of a magical one. This rune, I was 13 when I first was introduced. Actually, that's not true. So the first time I was introduced to runes, I was eight, seven or eight. We used to always go to York on holiday and camp in Robin Hood's Bay. And we would always go to the Jorvik Centre. And for anyone who remembers the Jorvik Centre, it was really smelly. So it was all these waxwork, Viking dummies in their homes and pigsties and yeah all these things and you went around almost in the ghost train kind of cart things and you'd go around it and you'd hear the sounds and it had a voice thing explaining what viking life was like It smelled. That was the thing that you, as a child, you remember vividly. It was the smell of manure and stinking human feces and whatever. It was very smelly. And, at the end, we bought the visitor's book. And it had the rune alphabet on the back of it. And I was already writing a journal at that point because I was very moved by Anne Frank. When I first studied Anne Frank at school and read about her, Mainly because, and this is the thing, I've got this real thing about ordinary people, which is why Anne is my guardian angel and I've been drawn to things like Kent Royal Hall doing the Tudor thing and I'm just drawn to ordinary people things, is because I'm from a working class background and working class life. And, We don't get remembered in the war or whatever they would have been the my people would have been the cannon fodder. So from a young age, I was always obsessed with the unknown people stories. There was the, these graves in Finchingfield, which we used to call the village of three corners. If anyone remembers the kids books, that we named it after, and it had a graveyard with these two graves in it and one was a wooden cross and one was just a stump, a wooden stump. And I felt sad that the names were gone and no one knew who they were anymore. And I would always leave flowers for them. I think I said in the last podcast that I. got obsessed with where people had carved their names into the wall, like any Tudor graffiti, where people had left their mark and I would pretend that I was them or try and imagine who they were. And just, yeah, I've always been fascinated by ordinary people's stories, especially when they don't realize the impact that they're having or the fact that I'm thinking about them now, even if I can't see their name or, but I'm there thinking about them. And with Anne Frank, it struck me that she didn't know the impact that she'd had on people's lives. in the world and that she'd gone through this horrific experience and didn't know that we remembered her and what profound effect her writing had. And so I started writing my journal then. I've been writing my diary since I was eight and I have my whole life written down. I haven't written it every day but I've kept it going since I was eight. And yeah, I have boxes and boxes of diaries. Most of them in my mum's loft, lots of them here now. And I do want to do something with them. I did create a thing that was for them, but that's what will be in the next, the other podcast, because that's part of the whole of the story. So this rune, Ing, I'd learnt it through the alphabet and I, when I saw this alphabet on, at the Jorvik Centre, it meant that I could write things in my diary that my parents couldn't read. And so I learnt to read and write runes fluently at the age of eight to be able to use in my diary. And then fast forward to 13, now I was quite a young starter in terms of being naughty and hedonistic. I did well at school and didn't get in trouble much with my parents. So I wasn't like grounded often, or, I never got suspended or expelled or anything like that. And I think I only had about two detentions ever. And so I wasn't naughty on paper, but I was very naughty, but I was also given a lot of freedom, which was amazing. And actually, Because I was given that freedom, I was less naughty than I would have been if I hadn't been given that freedom. That freedom meant that I kept up my end of the bargain. I think my mum could tell from day dot that I was a free spirit. Massively free spirit. And so she, just let me go, even from toddler age, my brother would be like, Mommy, Jolie's running away. And she'd be like, just ignore her. And I'd just run off. And she said, I think you just like having your name read out over the tannoy. having my name read out over, even at the Essex County show and stuff. Like we've got a little girl here called Jolie. yeah, she just let me go. And that was amazing. I went traveling around the 15 with my mate who was 17 and we went and stayed with all the people I was friends with from Kentwell and we were, I was in East Lothian when we found out that Kurt Cobain died, which is whenever I'm like, did I really, was I really 15 when I was allowed to go and do that? And I checked when Kurt Cobain died and I went, oh yeah, no, I was 15 when he died. at 13, I met this girl who lived in the stables of a Tudor manor house. The Tudor manor house was still owned by a family and it was their home. They weren't there that often but they'd turned the stables into Very basic dwellings, the layout of it meant that you had to walk through all the rooms And the bathroom was the end room. And then my friend's room was the one next to the bathroom. Her name was Emily. And so you had to go through Emily's room to use the bathroom and then the mom and dad's room, and then the brother's room. And then the kitchen was the other M. it was a weird layout, but they were all travelers. but the dad had been in a motorbike accident and no longer could travel, they were part of the Rainbow Tribe. And, I was like, wow, your family are travelers and you're really cool. And, we went to her house and, her dad, yeah, her dad made candles and things like that. And I remember, her having a bag of runes and saying to me, do you know that you can do divination? with runes. Have you pulled a rune? And I said, no. And she goes, the first ring you pull is your ream. So I pulled a ream and in my memory, it was the diamond. It was a diamond shape. Then years later, and I remember it being like inspiration is what I remember or transformation, I think is the word, but I've always remembered it as a transformation. years later when I was living in Brighton, I couldn't remember what my room was, and when I was looking in all the sets and looking online at the images, I couldn't see it. I couldn't see it anywhere. So I have no idea what that room was. So I went into a shop that had a room set in it, and I went, I'll just pull one. And I pulled one, and it looked like a Sweetie in a Sweetie wrapper, so it was a diamond, but the edges carried on, and so it made like the Sweetie wrapper edges. Imagine like a Quality Street kind of thing. And when I looked it up, it was Ing, it was the same rune, And it was only when I read it that I went, Oh yeah, that's what rune it was. So it was the same rune, it's just that you can draw it like that. So you can either have just the diamond or you can carry on the edges and make this kind of sweetie shape. so I pulled the same rune again, which is pretty cool and amazing. And when I read it that time I was a bit older because I think we didn't have a book or anything when Emily pulled it for me. She just told me what it was. But this time it was that it's the seed it's the sperm is masculine. Fertility. So female fertility is very abundant and, big bosoms. And I don't know, just very, female it's life. It's spring. It's all those things. The masculine fertility is. It's directional. It's a sperm penetrating an egg. And there's something about it that it's like a pop. It's like a burst and that nothing will ever be the same again. And so this sperm bursts the egg and pops it. And that reality is then popped. And that reality doesn't exist anymore. You now live in a reality where there's a baby involved. your life is different. Everything is different. The future is different. There's a whole other person's parallel universe opening up. Everything's different. And so even my name, I might've said this already in a podcast, actually, Jolie Pierce, my original name was P I E R C E. And so that means like a pretty pop, like a pleasant, pretty transformation. And it is this yeah, popping things and making things change. So I feel a bit like it's that, God, I totally can't remember the word. Non native determinism? Is that it? Non native determinism, where your name fits the thing. I would say transformation is one of the main words about me. If I was going to explain myself, I'd say it's that. And so this has always felt extremely spot on that this is my rune. And, the fact I pulled it today on the 11th episode, having said that I thought that this was going to be special. it feels exactly right. And when I did the first pilgrimage, I pulled the thorn rune, which I've pulled in one of these podcasts before, which is Thor, the god of thunder, and a shamanic journey. And the end rune was this rune, Ing, which was my rune. And so it meant that I was going to go on this big journey and it was going to be transformational and it was going to be hard and it was going to be crazy it was going to be like a lord of the rings epic adventure but the prize was that I was going to be more myself at the end of it was leading me to myself and this feels like that this feels like my core my being it was leading me to myself and anything that had been getting in the way and holding me back was gonna be shed. And that's exactly what happened. And then when I moved to SARC and I met my partner, I'm there being my ing room, being myself, and it was only after we'd been seeing each other for a while that I suddenly, I was looking, he's, he'd made a, what are those vest guy, I always forget what he calls it, the. fighting jacket? I don't know, it's the punk jackets, like the denim jackets with no arms, covered in studs and he'd made it himself and he'd stuck all these patches on it and then it had the Thor rune on the back painted and I was staring at it and then I was like oh yeah that's his rune isn't it and it's tattooed on his finger and it hadn't occurred to me so also the pilgrimage the room that was the room that, taught me and brought me back more to myself was literally tattooed on my partner when I got here. And so that's when I say I trust the universe because, hey, he's young. He's 23. He's under half my age. He's not anymore. He was when we got together. Yeah, like that was a big risk and a big leap of faith, but Because of that, because he had the ring tattooed on him, and it felt like the universe brought me to him, that's what I mean by trusting it and letting these bits of chaos and magic lead. Because otherwise I could have blocked myself there. I could have been like, oh, I don't think that's appropriate and I shouldn't do it and blah blah blah. Because of the rune and then also because of work I've done on archetypes, which is something else that, is an offering that I do. I lead workshops once a year called, Which Fool Are You?, where I help people find their archetype. And that was off the back of work I did with Jonathan Kay. And the fooling is that we learn what our archetype is. And. then fully embrace it and fully live into it. And mine is Venus, is Aphrodite. And very much the strumpet version, so the landlord's daughter and the wicker man and Nancy and Oliver Twist. And yeah, they're working class hero. I always think, Pat Butcher and, Peggy Mitchell and Miss Piggy, all of these types of characters. But, the landlord's daughter in the wickerman, literally, it's her job to break in the young men. So this is my archetype. I meant to go out with a young man. It's fine. But also it had, he had the rune on his finger and we get on so well. And it just is, it's full of magic, our relationship. And I could have passed that by or turn that down through social norms and Yeah, if I was following what I was being sold by the world and told is appropriate, then I wouldn't have embraced that. But because I let the nonsense lead and I let the universe lead, and I trusted the unknown and trusted myself as well. I trusted my archetype and my higher self. I've ended up with the most glorious, beautiful relationship that I. could have ever hoped for and had given up hope on existing because it just didn't seem like that's the way things really worked in the real world but they do it turns out but you've got to sprinkle some magic on it and you've got to trust you've got to trust the universe and you've got to open up to these possibilities so yeah this really I love it, and it makes my heart sing, and it feels like my core. And I have got a tattoo on my back of a fairy kiss, which was the first tattoo that I ever got. And it's how I used to sign my letters, because I used to have, because I worked at Kent Royal, I had I don't know, 30 pen pals at one point, I've got boxes of letters, in amongst with all my diaries. I've got these boxes of letters from when I used to have millions of pen pals and I used to sign my name with this star and that star feels like this. It feels like the sperm popping the egg makes that little star. And it's also what my company Crea means. So the reason why my theatre company or my arts company is called Crea Arts, which is why that's what I am on social media is Crea is the. It's the moment when you break karma. So karma is the repetition of patterns. we're here with whatever puzzle it is that our particular avatar is trying to figure out. And we're, It's I think of it like an elastic band ball, or like a knot, and you do what you can to un knot it in this lifetime, and then you might go into another lifetime and something might really trip you up, and it knots up again, so it's an ongoing process, it's not just a linear thing, you pass it on to the next life, hopefully a bit more worked out than it was before. And the reason why I believe in reincarnation is because I definitely feel like I was a male before, to the point where That means I know I've been alive before because I've definitely been a man before and I was quite surprised to discover I was female in this lifetime and I appreciate that might just be that the social norms or the social rules of what makes female doesn't fit me but I definitely feel like I was, I've been a man before so that I've always believed in past lives but also I find it useful even if it's not true because part of me is atheist is that it takes the pressure off. I like believing in there being more than one chance because it means I haven't got to do it all in this lifetime. So Kriya is the moment where you break a cycle of karma, karma being some pattern, some bad habit that you might be in. So I might be in the habit of, enemies or not having boundaries or something like whatever it is. And Kriya is the moment where you go, I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not doing it anymore. And so it is this sperm popping the egg. It's a bursting moment. It's a Eureka moment. It's this little star that makes you go, fuck that things are going to be different. Things are changing. And I love that. I find those are the things I live for. And I feel like that's what I'm here to help create. So I want to create podcasts and create work, theater work, whatever it is, I do festivals. Everything I do is about the possibility of it popping someone's reality and opening them up to the things could be different. And it doesn't mean that I have a version of reality that's better or right or true. It's ongoing. I love it when my reality gets popped. If I start pulling the tower card, like I've. I've been pulling in my, I pull an oracle card every morning, a goddess, God, there's a pack of cards that I've got. And every morning I do yoga and I meditate and I pull one of these cards. And for ages, I've been getting Carly Mar and Lilith. I'm like, okay. And I don't feel like that at all at the moment. I feel very almost winding down. I've had over the summer, over this year, a real, crisis I was not okay. Even though I should have been and everything was okay. I wasn't okay. That was a whole process that I went through and it's fine. I had anxiety, really bad for the first time ever as bad as that, like to the point where I ended up taking medication for it, which I've never done before. I now know that I can do that if ever it feels like that bad again. I felt like I was having a heart attack for a week with anxiety. And learned so much from trusting my friends and trusting, especially younger friends who, a bit the snowflake generation that I've been a bit side eyes at this whole time about Oh God, I can't believe you got anxiety. We just go over it like we just dealt with it. But actually, it's a bit like with heartburn when you realize you can take rennies. having anxiety when it's really bad, you don't have to just suffer it, you can actually take something that just stops it. And it's not an antidepressant, it's a beta blocker, it just stops that feeling. And I don't want to use it all the time, and I don't recommend anyone using it it's just it worked for me it was useful for me but also being in those places and feeling awful and people still loving and holding me and supporting me and so being able to fall apart in front of people and people being able to hold me and my intention for this year was the mythos of love and last year it was mythos and i had an amazing exciting year where mystery was introducing itself. It wasn't like I understood all the mysteries. I feel like especially death, a lot of stuff to do with death came out and came up that was fascinating insightful and touching and beautiful. Which actually I'll talk about a bit with Jo next week, with Joanne, because she's a death dooler. So that's one of the things that will come up. And she was on the last pilgrimage with me where these things did come up. This intention of mythos brought so many amazing things to the fore. So this year I was like, Oh, I'm getting married. Let's do the mythos of love, which is exactly what's happened. I've had an amazing year with the mythos of love. It's been incredible. And not easy and wasn't plain sailing, and part of it was falling apart of the seams, but being held and loved by people and that being magical and amazing and people that I didn't even know that well, but they held me while I fell apart. Past relationships, things to do with that came up and yeah, lots of stuff has happened and unpacked and then also our wedding was mind blowingly amazing. It was so loving and such a celebration of love was wonderful. So I think it's fun and fabulous to drop these intentions in. I'm going to be mulching now over the autumn as to what I feel like I want to create for next year and what I want to learn and do and achieve next year. I don't fix things too much, my intentions this year was the mythos of love, and then the other thing was to up my game, in terms of how professional I was being. And That I've done. And with, the podcast, I made sure that it was of a standard that I was happy with before I put it out there, which is not like me. I'm much more cowboy about things normally. So I'm happy and proud of myself. I feel like I fine tuned things. But that was as much pressure as I put on myself, so I gave myself like a magical thing of mythos of love. I don't even really know what that means, but isn't that a fabulous thing to go and explore? You then have to deal with the consequences. You have to accept whatever it is you're learning, but also to take it from that place. It's what am I learning from this place? And also, with Patreon and people supporting me, it's, that's all versions of love. I really appreciate it and it feels loving and it feels like appreciation, which is beautiful. And I really enjoy that and people listening and enjoying it, all these things. But also, yeah, just to be more professional and tighten up what I do. That's what I created for this year, and it feels like that's what's come through, which has been wonderful. And so I'm gonna keep delving into this Ingseed minus, and the incredible adventure it is to be alive in this avatar with this Internal, inner world that I can share as much as possible, but still you're never going to really fully understand it. Just like I will never know yours, and I'd love to. I want to know as much as I can. So it's our jobs to try and share and express who we are and what we're representing. Because we are the guardians and gatekeepers, and when we die, that's it. Your inner world will shut down. And that was all the opportunity that we will ever have to, see the universe, the world, life through that prism, through your prism, through your eyes. So who are you to be stingy with it? We want to see it. Show us your stuff. Show us all your things. So the chaos crusade for this week is for you to spend a bit of time with your inner world being. So we call it enfooling your twisted twin. is a book called The Artist's Way, which I have mentioned already, but I will mention again and recommend. The Artist's Way is a fabulous book. it can seem quite religious and spiritual if you can get over the fact that's not what it's saying. It's saying God is good orderly direction. She is Christian, but she's not saying that God is bad. The Christian God is the God that it has to be, or whatever. For me, the universe is God. That's what I call God. And also, I, like I said, I believe in everything and nothing. You can make it wherever you want it to be. But this book is about reawakening and connecting to your creativity, and she does loads of amazing exercises. But one of them that I love, that also translates into fooling, is going on an artist's date. So your artist, your inner artist, is your twin, and in fooling this is your twisted twin, it's your inner world. So there is a version of you that, if you sit in a circle, for example, we do this as a way of highlighting the twin, you sit in a circle and you say everyone, how long you can get up and you can do anything you want between one minute, three minutes. How long do you want that voice? That's deciding how long you would want to choose is your thinking. It's your cane aspect. Then, you then imagine you doing something. You imagine what you might do. That is your Abel. Your Abel is your artist. You're in a twin. You're a twisted twin. And then when you get up to do it, it will be Cain, your thinking, that gets up to do it. Because it's already done it. It's already imagined it. So Abel's already used up all the juices. imagining it and when you get up, Kane gets up and he'll do it really quickly. The thing that you imagined that you thought was going to be so good and so full of emotion and so funny and so brilliant, you'll do it in two seconds and rush your way through it and then you'll have nothing left to do and then you're like, ah, and that's when Abel maybe becomes involved again, but also possibly you just freeze up and don't know what to do. So this, the point of this exercise is for you to notice. The relationship between Cain and Abel. To get up and do the exercise successfully, you do it without thinking. You don't pre plan it. And you just get up and you start to move. And if you start to move, and then let something come, then that's coming from a place of Abel. Because you've left the Cain, the thinking, you've left him in your seat. So going on an artist's day is you going on a date with your able. Able is silent. It's the part of you that doesn't have language. Cain is a plugin when we got consciousness, we got gifted this aspect that can think and plan and judge and question and, murder and fear and have anxiety. Dogs and horses aren't fretting about any of the stuff that we're fretting about. It's an extremely useful tool. We don't want to live without it. It gave us language. But it isn't wholly who we are and actually isn't really intrinsically who we are, because intrinsically, we're whatever was there before consciousness, like dogs, like cats, like cows, there is that's the intrinsic part of us. And the plugin is an extremely useful tool. So if you were parent to twins, and one was silent, because dogs and cats don't talk language came with the thinking it came with consciousness. If you're a parent to a silent twin and a really noisy chatty twin, then it's your job to treat them both equally and to love them both equally and to look after them both equally to be a good parent. And so this artist's day is you going on a date with Abel. Cain's not invited, so the thinking isn't invited. So this is you going out somewhere that inspires you, that tickles your fancy, that makes you happy. you take that date, and you go to an art gallery, or you go and buy stationery, or you go for a walk in the countryside. You do something that is just for your joy, for your pleasure, and isn't too planned, isn't too thought about, but it's just something that tickle your artist, your inner twin. So that's your Chaos Crusade this week, to go on an artist's date. thank you very much. I've enjoyed chatting to you this evening. I am so loving doing this and I love that was the room that I just pulled. And I love being here with you, so thank you for listening. And I shall see thee anon. Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Lots of face. Bitches! This is the end of the video. I don't know.